FUNNIOSITIES.

Waimate Daily Advertiser, Volume III, Issue 172, 6 July 1901, Page 4

FUNNIOSITIES.

He; “ Why do they call women fair sex ?" Sho ; “To distinguish them from thd unfair sex, uo doubt.” Teetotal Speaker : “ Now, what was it the rich man in hell Called fori W-'S it Whisky ? No. Was it brandy ? No. Was It rum? No. It was water —water. Now* what dof.s that show P” A V ice: “Snows whete hll yod teetotal fellows go to.” We knew a man so cross-eyed that he put his hand into another man’s pocket and abstracted theienom a watch. He wanted to learn the time. Tae judge told him it would three years. Poem Did It. —Calier: i ls ths edi'or in ?’ Office Boy : * No j he’s ill-.* Ca ier: ‘ I wonder got the poem I sent him ?’ Office Boy ; * I told ycr he was ill, didn’t I?’ In a grocer’s shop, about a quartet past eight, the shopmen were gossip* i;.g. when a hoy entered, ‘ Twa lardens for a ha’penny* if yet please.* ‘ Coa,ts off, gentlemen. Business has begun, ’ cried the foreman. Mother (to sraa'l son going to the country): ‘Frank, have )OU taken everything you will need ?’ Frank ; ‘ Yes, mother.* Mother; • Have you taken yout tooth-brush ?* Frank (very indlgnahtly): ‘Toothbrush V Why, I thought I was going away for a holiday.* Masher (indignantly): ‘ Waiter, there are feathers in this soup.’ Wader (inspecting it) s ‘Why, 60 there Hear soup, hut it’s chicken broth, sir* audit costs fourpence more a plate!’ Prisoner: 4 Forty shillings for stealing b piviv of <hoes T jV.rigmraie i ‘ That's what I said, I.V-oner { 'Why, yer worship, the/ didn’t a‘c.’ Tramp : ' It is needless to ask you the on* *■ on, madam. You know what I • r*d.’ i.sdyl ‘Yes, 1 know what you want | sc y. rut I have only one bar of soap •..i l 1 e hoc-c, and the servant is using it. I Co/ne again aome other time.’

An Irish labourer who was somewhat new to his wo> k was ploughing one day, and the furrows be.ng uneven, the farmer told him to look at something at the other end of the field as a guide* “Th'>t oow by the gate,” said he, “is right opposite us. Nov make straight for her.” “ Right yott are, sir,” said Pat. .*■ Coining back later on, the farmer waft horrified to find that the plough had been travelling zigzag all over the field. i “How is this?” said he. “ Whal **ve you been doing t" “Shure, sorr/’ was Pat’s reply, “I did what yon tould me. 1 worked ruigh*. straight for the oow, but the oraythur didn't kape still 1"