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Waimate Daily Advertiser, Volume III, Issue 168, 27 June 1901, Page 3

The Times’ Shanghai correspondent states that according to A high native authority, Germany With England's consent, proposes that Chiba Will pay small amounts of the indemnity for the first fourteen yeaMi And increased amounts during the twenty-six following ye«ft ’ V

Reduced the Name to “Ma* Her mother named her “Mary,” that good old-fashioned name, And all through school she wore it, contented with the same. Sut when she’d graduated, and left the school behind, She dropped the "t" ,ah*d “May” became—Was so much more refined-. She’s married now, and off the hands of her enduring pa { Still more her name has been reduced*** heir youngest calls her “ Ma.” »!'■ ' O Very Touching* First Pickpocket (who had been attending church for professional purposes, to his mate): ‘ That was a mighty touchin’ sermon which that old toff in the white thingumbob preached, weren't it, Bin r Second Ditto : *lt were that, Toto. I wus goin* to sneak something out of the plate, but that sermon so touched the soft part of me ’©art, I put a button in it instead*’

The Coward*

A certain wild beast tamer has a tartar Ufa wife. The other day, as the result of a violent quarrel, gave him a generous hiding, and tho poor fellow, at his wits'end, took refuge in'the lion’s den. Judge of tho amusement of thfc spectators to behold, the exasperated Wife standing in front- Of tho cage, brandishing a huge umbrella, and shrie.k> ing through the bars at regular intervals-, “ Come out of that, you. big coward—come out of that I’

Payment Demanded.

At a ragged school feast one of the teachers asked the children :

‘ Are you not thankful to receive so much instruction, without being asked to pay anything ?’ ‘ But we are asked to pay something,’ exclaimed a boy. ‘I think not; pray whatt is it?' said the' teacher. ‘ Why, we are asked to pay attention.' Looked Suspicious. Mrs. Cowver (tho next morning): ‘Do you know what time you got home last night ?' Mr. Cowperi *1 must have Ven pretty late, but important business detained me at the office, and, by the way, dear, did you see anything of my shoes ?’ Mrs. Cowper: ‘Yes, you will find them banging on the hat-rack in the hall, just where you loft them 1' Tongue Twisters. Bay each of the following linos six times— Six thick thistle sticks. The sea ceaseth, and it sufficeth ua. Mixed biscuits. A growing gleam-glowing grfeen. Mrs. Smith’s fish-sauce shop. Ther& are two directly opposite reasons why some people cannot obtain credit. One is because they are not known, and the other is because they are.

In an Awkward Position*

One day a man rushed up to the coastguard station close to Dover, shouting for help. The men on duty asked him what was the matter, and he - excitedly . xplained that his friend was stuck in the quicksands, and was likely to drown, as the tide was rising fast. ‘ How far is he ini’ inquired the coastguard. ‘Up to his ankles, 1 said the man. * On, that won’t hurt him,' said the coastguard, ‘ he can easily get out of that by himself.’ ‘No, he can't,’ said the man excitedly. ' £e see, his bloomin’ headisdownards !’ . The Boy Took thO “Bun.” Teacher (explaining, to the class tho number of the respective armies at the ■Battle of Omdurman): ‘The Dervish army numbered about 35,000 men, and too combined English and Egyptian forces 'about 25,000, making a total of about 60,000. Can any boy in the class tell me the name of the field where there were a greater number than this, and one side gained such a decisive victory over the other ?’ Boy at the top of the class (‘ who has a touch of the football lap’): ‘Yes, sir; at tho Sydney Association Grounds last season, when Randwick beat Paddington by 4 goals to the final for the Sydney Cup. There wore about 73,000 present.’ ” ~—O —— inquisitive Woman* She walked into a draper’s store, With stately step and proud, She turned the frills and laces o’er, And pushed aside the crow;d. She asked to see some rich brocade, Mohair and grenadines, ■ She looked at silks of every shade And then at velveteens. She sampled jackets blue and red, She tried on nine or ten, ■: And then stye tossed her bead and said • “ 1 think I’ll call again 1” " v ‘ The Priest Was No “Mug.” • Father O’Leary,’ said Curran in one Of his gay moods, ‘ how I wish, when 1 die, that you had the key of Heaven.’ ‘ Why V asked his reverence. ‘Oh,’ replied Curran, ‘because you could then let me in.’ J ‘lt would be better for ybu,’ retorted the priest, with a merry twinkle in his eye, ‘ if X had the key of the other place, for then I could let you out.* Touching tho Button. Mrs. Noverso i ‘I have just been reading an article on electricity, John, and it appears that before long we shall be able to get pretty well everything wo want by just touching a button.’ Mr. rfeverso: ‘ You would never be able to get anything that way.’ • - Mrs. JSevcrso: * Why not, John ? Mr. Neverso; ‘Because nothing on earth would ever make you touch a button. Look at my shirtr

Pond Mother t ‘ Little Dick Is a perfect gentleman, bless his little heart I Coming downstairs, he politely stepped aside, and allowed Mrs. Heavyweight to precede him. Didn’t you, darling ?’ Little Dick i ‘ Yes, mamma, I w&l ’fraid she might stumble { and then it would be * what oh I aho boropa 1' if she ■truck me. 1

Lady i “ Ydu don’t moan to tell me that that little girl is fit to wait at table ? *’ ' Mother (proudly)i ‘‘Well 'm» she onghfc tobe, fieein* as *ow ’er father ’as been a platelayer for five and twenty yean>»" y