Page 4 Advertisements Column 5

Waimate Daily Advertiser, Volume III, Issue 128, 26 March 1901, Page 4

“ Gracious, little boy J you’re not going to kill the dear little birds, are you ?’* “ No, dear lady; Tip merely goiu’ ter fire off several salutes in dere honour. Cat’s all.” Weary Willie: “Ef you bed a million pounds, Fields, wot would you do wi’ it ?’* Flowery Fields; “Why, I wouldn’t do nutt’n wi* it—l’d just rest easy and let it do sutt’n wi’ me.” A man can find lots of fun in telling how difficult it is for even a woman to find her way into her own pockets but all the varnish comes off the laagh when he remembers how easily she gets into hia pockets. Little Charlie (at supper) :‘‘3ranma, do your glasses make things look Granma: “Yes dearie. Why?” Charlie: “Oh, I only thought if they did; I’d like you to take ’em off while you’re cuttin the cake.” Johnny: ‘ Pa, do people read the hews, papers to get the news ?” Pa; “ No,'my boy; they merely read them so that they won’t have to listen to other folks who have read them.” ” It’s terrible the way the price of <*»{♦ is going up,” wailed the pessimist.' i“. Well, there’s one thing to hi thankful for,’.’ s id the optimist; “ coal doean’ melt like ice.”

The fact that most of tbff pKple who make fools of themselves-" do so unconsciously saves the world a great deal of pain.