Wit and Wisdom.

Waimate Daily Advertiser, Volume III, Issue 119, 5 March 1901, Page 3

Wit and Wisdom.

“ One of the American Rough Riders is going right over to Kgygt to join Kitchener's army.” “ Say, a follow with such an insatiaVo desire for lighting as that ought to get married and settle down.”

“ She wanted to prove his love and devotion, so sue told him she had lost all her money.”

" Well?” “ Weil, she’ll know enough not to do that next time.” Caller; “Is Mrs Brownston at home ?” Servant: “ Ycs’m, she’ll heat home all the evening. It’s ray night out. ’ A door knob has been p tented tor use on ofllce doors, composed of a dial set in tbo £af>o of an ordinary knob with adjustable hands on it, to be set by turning ute knob until they indicate the hour of the user’s return.

The latest mu ical prodigy, Bruno Stein el, aged seven years, had to be restrained at the early age of three jeirs from practising more than two and a half hours a day on his beloved pianoforte. The otter is the fastest-swimming quadruped known. In the water it exhibits an astonishing agility, swimming in a nearly horizontal position with the greatest ease, diving and darting along beneath the surface with speed equal to, if not superior than, that of many fishes, “Just think of bis committing suicide for love 1 Wasn’t it awful ?”

“ It was the only way he could keep his word, poor boy, for he had vowed to her that he would never love another woman.”

A German oculist says that c nstaut use of the magnifying glass is an excellent protection against myopia. He bases this statement on the fact that out of 7-5 watchmakers scarcely 5 per cent of the number were short sighted. it is a popular belief in certain parts of England that a holly bush planted near a dwelling protects the house from lightning. Mrs James Blaylock, provision dealer, Howard street, Blackpool, recently purchased a box of onions from a wholesale dealer named Wilson, and whilst examining the contents of the box she found a piece of paper indorsed with a foreign name. The paper was taken to a local bank, and there identified as a Portuguese bank note, which has since been cashed for £B(S.

Even “ the white cliffs of Albion ” are now disfigured by the hand of the advertiser.

Mrs Solomons: “Yo know dot diamond ring yon gef me for a New Year’s present, Sol?” Mr Solomans ; “ Yase.” Mrs Solomons; “ Vich you radder hef—dot for a scarf ring or a new silk handkerchief? Solomons : “ Yell, I dinks I takes der —er—handkerchief. ”

“ Don’t you think that fellow who broke his engagement because the girl went to the jeweller and inquired the price of the ring a little sensitive ?”

“I think be was wise. A woman like that would be wanting her husband to keep an account of his private expenses.” Teacher; What’s the matter with you to-day, Tommy? You seem to be nervous and uneasy.

Tommy: I am. Yesterday was my pa and ma’s woo ' n wedding and nearly all the neighbours seat ’em shingles.

For fifty years the city of Grenoble, in France, has, maintained a municipal restaurant" and kitchen, where meals are cooked and supplied at cost. The food is of the best quality, the cooks are shilful, and the service is excellent. One may dine there on' bread "and soup for three halfpence and have his hunger thoroughly appeased, or may pay sixpence and enjoy a course dinner.