BROWN’S CHRISTMAS DINNER.

Waimate Daily Advertiser, Volume III, Issue 111, 21 February 1901, Page 1

BROWN’S CHRISTMAS DINNER.

• One of the most cheerful' of all Christmas celebrations is the Christmas family dinner given by a middle-class couple in the ’ country who have sufficient means tb provide a handsome spread occasionally, and who are tnb •blissfully ignorant of “culchawed” customs to spoil the affair by chilling ceremony. Such a dinner was that given by the Browns, of Brownsville. On Christmas morn all the available relatives bad been rounded up; from the garrulous grand-parents down to the merry, mischeviou? little • grandohildn n, who at once began to make matters very lively for their elders and start a reign of terror among all the domestic animals about the nlaco. Most of the multitudinous Browns assembled were of the sturdy working class ; loud of speech, hearty in manner, and b l eased with appetites so vigorous that even the dead poultry in the pantry squirmed when they heard the attacking party’s approach. Three of the guests, young Mi* Bertie Brown, a junior clerk from the city, and Miss Belinda Brown and a lady friend from a fashion* able seminary, -were tacitly admitted to be moulded of superior clay, however, and consequently treated with a reverential respect something akin to that which a Soloman Islander pays to a wooden god that can boast of threo coats of striped paint and a headdress calculated to make even a “ picture hat” curl up with envy. The long-iooked-for , memorft arrived at last, and in a longroom, tastefully decorated with greenery and flowers, and on u tabic set out with the best plato and ware that a comfortable grocer like Brown could command', the,re was found a dinner which, according to one of the burly bucolic Browns present, was sumptuous enough even for tin gods of Olympus. Strictly speaking. those were not the exact word ? the burly party used. I think ho,, said : “ This is the sqnaress bloomin' feed I ever tackled.” and then, as he clutched his weapons and prepared for action, ha farcbo* observed that his “jaws fair? itched to got at the tucker !” Hoi ft the young ladies fr >m the said “ ahem !” into their handkerchief on bearing i! is, and a s ight chill followed, during which a maternal Brown relieved heh feelings by clouting the quietest child at he table, and then paua Brown said a hurried grace and gave the signal to “ Go !” •Christmas morn was passed in h somewhat excite I manner. The feeling of reverence and gratitude peculiar to the day’s obsorviincs was ruffled by the mischcvi.ms pranks of the male grandchildren which plainly proved that tin mdestructibi uy of matter is the one thing that saves the universe from wreck at the hands of tho small boy'; then caina the hurrie I rush to church, and endeavours fcft maintain a devotional aspect m spite of the thoughts which wound crop up concerning the dinner which was soon to tax facility of the stomach, and whici some of. the younger felt they can id sniff even during the most solemn portions of th * sermon.

The bucolic Brown was “first off the mark,’' of coarse, but rest of the fluid got well away, and then the fun began dn earnest* Every heart showed its gladness in the owner’s glowing face and sparkling eyes; every mouth was going like the-chopper of a sans; machine worked by steam, <'• turned by a boy who thought 1m heard a circus precession bind coming down the street; ever? Brown and every off-shoot of ft Brown present seemed to be'eatings drinking, talking, and laughing at the same time ytba seminary ladu t excepted), and the clatter and dh\ they raised was quite equal to thas at the battle of Spion i£op. Stay! ’i hro was just on I Brown out ■ f i,be lot assembled who barely tasted anything, and yet* judging by her happy looks, till was the proudest Brown of them all. She was the bright bontie mother who had cooked the dinrr ■» and bossed the whole arrangements* and now she looked as thoupn every mouthful swallowed was t hearty acknowledgement of h t culinary skill. Apparently thd height of her enjoyment ift

scooting about the' room',' dumping plates down here, arranging bottles there, rattling knives and .spoons, and wiping glasses, and' feeling fully impressed that .unless she kept going not only would the Christmas dinner be a sad fiasco, but the whole world would slither off its,axis and roll away into everlasting chaos. Bless the dear mothers, on'e and all, and long may they be spared to gladden the Christinas-tide, for, as an Irish Brown feeling observed after his tenth tot: "Ay it wasn't for their mothers where would our children be to-day ?"

The head of the house was in fine form also, and there was pride in his heart as he fastened his eyes on the glad scene before him. From an errand boy he had worked himself up to be the honoured head of the great clan Brown, and he felt there was lots of life in the old boy yet. Our purest joys have a tinge of sadness in them, however:, and at times there came a slight moisture in the eyes of the worthy man as he gazed on the glad fac:s about him, and perhaps there was a slight tremor in his voice as he stood, ladle in hand, an 1 shouted.: " Now, then, who sez gravy ? Who wants some more of the Missus's spiendid stuffin' ?" All were bursting with contentment, and happiness, and roast turkey. Grandfather Brown backed up his plate for a second helping, and actually told Grandmother Brown to " shut up" when she warned him that " he'd hev the gripes that night as sure as his name wrtE John Ebenezer Brown. And the grandchildren! How they fed, and fought, and banged their' dinner weapons about, and stained grandma's once showy dinner cloth worse than, the /reputation of a besmirohed politician. The angelic infants of Raphael or Murillo may seem celestial, but their faces could never be more radiant, or greasy, or shiny than those of the chubby little Browns as they held their poultry bones in both hands and gnawed their way clean through them. They did not understand the full significance of the feast, but their troubles about' that, so long as some one responded to their shrill squeals for "Mo" jam, mo' .jelly, mo' .ev'rythink that's on the table." It was the brightest day that ever gladdened their young lives, and when a boy Brown got his sister by the back hair and shoved her face in the butter and rubbed it round, they whopped, and kicked and yelled 'with a joy that was born.of a better world.

Everything earthly must have an end, however, and so the Browns' Christmas dinner came to a close, and the gorged guests withdrew, and perhaps began to wonder uneasily "what would the harvest be" when the awful amount of miscellaneous matter they had planted began to stir within them. The mala Browns then strolled round the place or sat out in the yard and began to lie abiy aurl fluently about whatever topics cropped up, while the women lolled about and spoke eloquently and all together about box pleaie and crepe chiffons, and combination garments, and a heap of other seasonable subjects too subtle for the material mind of man to comprehend. And so the great day of clays was spent; and the morrow found each particular Brown in his, or her own particular homo, while our own particular Browns were " cleaning up" and fortifying themselves with good resolutions and the hashed remnants of the feast of the previous day.