SPOOPENDYKE BRINGS A FRIEND TO DINNER.

Waimate Daily Advertiser, Volume III, Issue 77, 27 November 1900, Page 1

SPOOPENDYKE BRINGS A FRIEND TO DINNER.

" Say, my dear, " -whispered Mr Spoopendyko, closing the door | carefully, and approaching his wif -. with a broad grin on his visage. '< Say, my deae, Specklewofctle's downstairs in the parlour. Jle has come to take dinner with us." " Great gracious .'" exclaimed Mrs Spoopendyke, dropping her work and bustling up to the glass to arrange her hair. " What did btf come to-day for ? Don't he know it's wash day ?" " He came for dinner," retorlel Mr Spoopendyke, turning pale about the lips. " What d'ye s'pose he came for ? To be washed ? What's wash day got to do with it? Think the man can be soaked in a tub and hung over the clQtb.es line with a measly wooden pin astride the small of bis back ?9? 9 Well, he , didn't ; he came for grub, and you want to bustle around nnd get it pretty lively for him, or I'il begin to serve up things myself before long !" " But, my dear," remonstrated Mrs Spoopendyke, '• thero's nothing in the house 1 The clothes " " Then serve up the clothes," roared Mr Spoopendyke, who had utterly forgotten fcha day of the^ week when he invited his friend, j and now wanted his wife to get him out of the scrape somehow, and at the same time not let him 4own with SpeeklewQttle' " Just pat the clothes on a platter, and set 'em afore him I You can explain to him that we only eat three times a week' like a dog in hot weather 1 That'll satisfy him, so long as he has the clothes ta eat i" "You don't imagine he would want to eat the clothes, do you? 11 ' asked Ales SpQQpendyke, innocently, Just try f" jelled. Mr Bpoopen- ' dyke, encaged afc fche idea of being taken literally. " Just try him and sling is some of thg natural , grace you always put on at the table ! '* Mr cipecklewottle, have some of this fr'oasaed petticoat ?' " and Mr Spoopendyke held out the legs qf. his trousers as a woman bold 3 her skirts and waltzed round the room. "Mr Specklewottle, have a little of this poached nightshirt? Now, Mr Specklewofctie, now do try one of these fried socks and slioe of the pillow-case 1 Dear Mr Specklewottle, pray let' me held you. tq a piece of this shirt collar and a pair of stuffed cuffs ! I made them myswlf, aud though they are not so good as — , | that's the way to do it " oontiftu.e<i , Mr Spoopendyke, suddenly concluding his remarks with a war whoop, presenting hiaiseelf before his wife all out breath. " Think you've got that bjill q| fare $11 right ? See your way clear to a successful dinner now ?" " Thers's some cold fish downstairs, abd I think there is some raw ham in cellar," ruminated Mrs Spoopendyke, regarding her husband with a startled look of inquiry as if asking if he thought Mr S&eeklewotfcle would mind the meat being raw and the fish a Jpifle cold. " I'don'fc think he has anything borne On Mondays except cabbage and beans. Or perhaps ho may have dough, nuts and pie," ahe continued hastily, seaing her husband swelling with a retort. " And I'm sure dough nufcs and pie are good." V Thats what he wants |" howled Mr Spoopendyke. Bring forth the fish that froze to death in the house of Spoopendyke ( Develop the banquet and let joy. be unconfined J Ain't ye got any mom sense than a bunghole? Think In* going to brijg % aris.tocr^ry 1 here to fatten on dead fish and live hogs? How long are you going to let that man sit down-

sfcaira in skate of starvation ? Wheres's that roaei beef I broug' | home the o{;b.er day." " I think we ate that all up th^ day it came home," sighed Mr^ Spoopeuclyke. ll T>o you meaa that roast with the queer littlft 3iicks in it." " The same," replied Mr Spoopen. dyke, nerving himself for anolhes ordeal. And in £be excgss q! his emoti >n Mr Spoopendyka gasped for breath, and, resting b.13 hands on his knees, looked, as i\ he were inviting his wife to a ifcUe gavne of leap frog. som.e lettuce in the housq and I bought same atr^wberrie* to-day, and I could cook the steak I had saved over lor breakfast," murmured Mjts Spoopendyke, coming put triumphant!* in th,e end, wom^n-like, " Anq 1 1 w*|J put on my new wiqe-colored, satin, aid we will give him a nices'upper.'Y " Ooin^ to pui that wine-oolor '4 satin on the fish oc the ham ?'- howled Mr Spoopendyke, \yho ha 4 a man's idea th.at a. dinner is not a, dinner pptil it's roasted. " ThinJf I brought that man here at si^ olelooko 1 elook iq the afternoon to takg breakfast ? Got s6me kind of a, notion th^t cold fish, raw ham, worniy lettuce, green strawberries aqd a fries cow are goiog to satisfy the cravings of a man who has just won a bet of a dhmer on — " Bulj h^cg Mr Spoopendylce stopped short, The last reyeiatio,n was unintenr tionah «♦ Was it a bet, dea?s?" asked M'rg Spoopendyke, openicg he? pyea in 'Oid you bring Mb £paekle\yotfcle bouje here on a bet ! If I had known that, and you har| given me time, I would hare had a, I xxiee supper for you. J doij'^ aijppose thai he yyo.uld o^xra for at co' 4 meal under the circumstances, i really thin.k-V '« Tliat sQfcfcle«| it," squealed M$ SpoQpendyke, mad at himself fo« what l^e had divulged, and. fcpgrie» sfcill as he saw that he mustexpla'tt to Specklwottle how he ' wss fixed, u When you commence to think the free list is entirely auspende. « Some day when I catch you 1 think* ing I'm going to drive a^spiggot i*| your head and advertise science on. tap ; book science extra ; free Ju#ci|[ |rom 11 tQ V* And with this prospectus M* Spoopendyke gashed dawnatair^ a«id explained to Mr ' S^eckrewott!** that owing tQ Mra Spoopejsdykq having a severe headache they has tetter postpone the dinner or go fes a restaurant.