Wit and Wisdom.

Waimate Daily Advertiser, Volume III, Issue 77, 27 November 1900, Page 4

Wit and Wisdom.

The ten -year- old daughter of ajaor% lady seemed overjoyed whea her mother promised- to tafee her to a concert ©a the following evening, and» rushing off to her little writing desk produced a dainty diary, and made fc. few notes in it. "I should dearly like- to see w6at the darling has confided to hardiary,* said the mother to her husband, wh«» the child had gone to bed* "what dQr you think ?" "Oh read it by all means," he on^. swer. "It's sure to be somatbiog sweetly innocent." So the portly lady* not witbosi a lew qualms of conseienee, opened the newly M.otfee3 entry, which read »8 follows— "Tuesday- Am going to a conceit to-morrow with, mother. Wish I could leave half of her at home. If* so uncomfortable to sit on the edge ot a chair all night."

Tb© position erf regimental cook at the front is anything but sinecure, and neither axe the insinuations ia regard to him. always compHmentarj as the following may show. A football match was in progrest between Bides picked from the Scotp Guards. In the course of. the game one brawny laddie gave the tail * tremendous kick. Tbi& was all very well in- its way, but a subsequent hall-hour's search for the ieatber proved of no avail. At fcha and of that period one of the player*, whoso anxious face betrayed his conoern^ said : " I'm half afraid we'll no find U this time* lads." " How does the game stand? 1 * inquired another. * , "Two— one for the ©tner aide, 1 answered some one else. " Oh, hang it mon," said the first speaker. " Here, Jock, just run an* borrow a loaf Iras the cook? wo must finish this blessed game somehow I "

Last winter, two young ladief ■who were food of skating went one morning to a pond near the village. Not knowing whether the ice would bear or give way, they wer« very cautious. Seeing a lad who was supposed to be daft, they asied him. to slide aeroas; " Na^aa/' said Jack, ■" I may b» daft, but I'm not ill-bred. Ladiel first, gentlemen after." He (a suitor): have never been quite stiaa of th« proper distinction betwsea * I shall* and ♦ I will/ hut ta my roind tbera is no diflSculty." She : "I don't q.uite know tht distinetioo, myself." He (thinking he sees his opportunity) i " Well take the question, ' Will you marry me ? ' Supposiflj I ask you, your reply would not b£ ' I will,' but— *' She (emphatically) ; "XvtoaV*

A school inspector* hamtxg -coo*. mioutes to spare after axamiaiflj the school, put A few t* the lower-form boys* oh fixe «ot»mon subjects in fcbe schoolrootu. ** What is the use <jf that mop f* he asked, pointiog to oae fltcetched a orosa tho corner of the room ? sai half a dozen shrill voices aaaweM^ in measured aitiooiatioas t " Please, sir, it's to bide jouctafr bioyole i "