HUMOUR

Wanganui Chronicle, Volume 83, Issue 37, 14 February 1939, Page 5

HUMOUR

!c| After a church conference the met and talked about their I visitors. Someone asked Mrs Brown what visitors she had had. “I had two locust preachers,” was the reply. “You mean local preachers. Locusts are those things that eat up every* thing.” “That’s right. I bad two of them.**

Name? Black! Profession ?

4 ‘Before we close the contract, you play the piano?” the landlord aiXcd the prospective tenant. “No.” “Do you play the violin nr any other instrument ’ ’ “No.” “Do you have singing lessons?” “No, and when I gargle 1 get into a cupboard and shut the door behind

“A moment, Mrs Brown . . I’vij lost eight pounds . . . and I must have a photo of the dial.”

“Really, 1 don’t know what to do with my husband,” said Mrs Robinson* “The doctor tells me that if I give him anything to drink but pure water ITi kill him.” • “Well, then?” asked her friend. “ Well, if I give him only water, he'l kill me! ”

“No, no, . . . once again. You must hit harder Miss Smith, other* wise the noise cannot be heard!”

A story of an English artist’s lapse of memory reaches us from Berlin. His turn at a music-hall had been very well received. After several curtains, which he had taken with the normal bows, he camo forward again and raised his hand in the Nazi salute. “Heil,” ho said, and then hcsitate<L “Good Heavens,” ho whispered, “I’ve forgotten the name.”

“So long, Henry, it’s been a jolly afternoon .... I’ll come again tomorrow at the same time!”

The soap-box orator was haranguing the crowd on the dangers of the Devil. “The Devil is chained to the wall,” he said, “but he can step forward and get you; he can step backwards and get you; he can step to the right or left and get you, if you do any misdeed.” Then a voice from the crowd piped, “The darned thing might as well b>