HUMOUR

Wanganui Chronicle, Volume 83, Issue 37, 14 February 1939, Page 5

HUMOUR

A rather flustered woman approached the shopwalker with her arms full of parcels. i “Oh, dear. 11 she sighed. “I'm look ing for my husband. He was to have | met met here two hours ago. I wonder if you have seen him*’’ The shopwalker did his best to look obliging. “Possibly I have, madam,’* he replied. “Is there anything at all distinctive about him, by which I could identify him?’’ A frightened expression came over the woman’s face. “ Yes,” she replied. “I should imagine he’s purple by now.”

’l’he ventriloquist: “It’s a bad affair, bir, . . . my partner won't appear before the public if he doesn’t get an advance payment'.”

“What’s yer name and what branch of the service d’ye want to he in?” asked the Recruiting Sergeant. “ Pup-p-p p-pup pup ” began the youth. The recruiting sergeant picked up his pen and wrote: ••Can’t speak English and wants i ■ -’n ?’i - - Gun Corps.”’

“Dear Madam, if only you'll open the door so that I can withdraw my head, we'll no longer speak about the vacuum cleaner!”

“It's nothing serious,*’ said the doctor; “:i little upset in the stomach. Just take nothing lor a few days but lukewarm water.’’ •'Well, I’m hanged!” said Jigg’“For a mcasley jollification like that I have tn tak«» a cure fit to kill a horse.”

Training for < amping before summer holidays. “To-night we'll try to sleep with an open window. Mary.”

“What your husband wants is a cm: plcte rest,” said the doctor, “so I hav prescribed a sleeping draught.” “Yes, doctor,” said the wife, “an at what time shall I give it to him?” “Don’t give it tn him. Take it youi self. ”

"I cannot remember the title of the book, but it tells about a girl and two men, and finally she marrys one of these men. ’'

A little boy startled his mother by asking, * * Mummy, is there hair oil in this bottle?” “Mercy, no dear,” she said, “that’s gum.” “Oh,” said the child, “perhaps that’s whv I can't get mv hat off!”