HUMOUR

Wanganui Chronicle, Volume 83, Issue 34, 10 February 1939, Page 5

HUMOUR

<1 The old lag stood before the magistrate, who boomed: — “What’s the matter with you? Can’t you behave yourself for one week? You’ve been before this court at least thirty times. You’ve been charged with drunkenness, shoplifting, burglary, assault, and now' you are accused of beating your wife. What have you to say ? ’ ’ “Your worship,” declared the prisoner, “nobody’s perfect.”

Rastus had sold a horse, and the next day the buyer returned in a state of anger. “Look here, you old rascal,” said the new owner of the horse, “why didn’t; you tell me that horse was lame before 1 bought him from you?” “Well, sah,” replied Rastus, “the fellow dat sold him tn me didn’t nuthin* about, it, so I just thought it was a secret’’’

“Boys, we’re saved . . . I've won five thousand pounds' ”

A very henpecked husband reached Ike end of his patience and, after a final row with his wife, took his bowler hat from the peg in the hall anti said, “I’m going.” Four years later he returned, nnd hil wife greeted him: “TVhero the dickens have you been?” “Out,” ho replied, and hung his hat on the same peg.

“Take it easy, the audience thinke that it’s pait of the play.’’

That’s an Idea! A householder promised his wife h< would interview tho estate agent and register several complaints regarding the villa. Ha was shown into the agent’s office* “Look hero he began, “I’m not at all satisfied with the house I got from you. Talk about draughts! Do you know, when I’m sitting in the diningroom, my hair blows all over my face* Just what do you propose, to do about •' Well, sir,” lhe estate agent replied, blandly, “if it’s as bad as you say, some remedy is certainly called fn-. 11l tell you what—l always try to satisfy my clients. I warn yon I’m no barber—but if you insist, I’ll have % shot at cutting your hair!”

•‘Do you Kmw you are in a lady’s bedroom with a hat on your head and a cigar in your mouth!”

Jones and his wife were attending th* ship’s concert during a luxury cruise. Parts of it were excellent, but there was one singer whose voice, like her figure had certainly seen better days. “You know,” said Jones, “it’s a terrible thing when a great singer begins to realize she is losing her voice.” “It’s much more terrible,” said hit wife, dryly, “when she doesn’t realixt