OFF HEADS, COUNT NOSES, AND NO SURRENDER.

Wanganui Chronicle, Volume XIII, Issue 1028, 18 May 1869, Page 2

OFF HEADS, COUNT NOSES, AND NO SURRENDER.

A small corner must be given, although it is hardly deserving of such consideration, to a small controversy into which we have fallen. The Editor of the Wanganui Times ppr-Kisls in his story of the kupapas giving certain headless human bodies to the dogs, and it could serve no good purpose for us, who are horribly unimaginative, to linger over such a subject. Many an absurdity of our contemporary has been allowed to pass ; his line seems to be that of Hood’s trumpet to collect all —

The tales of shame, The constant runnings of ill fame, Foul and dirty, and black as ink, That ancient gossips with nod and wink Pour in his ears like slops into a sink.

And if this particular “ tale of shame ” had not been written with the view of discrediting colonial character at home, we should have also maintained silence touching it. The delusion was lamentable enough, but people here know what value to attach to statements coming from that quarter, and those at a distance will, fortunately, now have the antidote along with the bane. Having supped full of horrors, the Editor next turns upon the Chronicle and frightens us with a “challenge.” There is but a small step between the mock-heroic and the ridiculous, if the two are not one and the same. “A challenge,”—nothing less! Mercy on us : a man with a giant’s strength

should not always use it like a giant. Our contemporary should have thought of the effect of a tiling of this kind upon our very nervous temperament, and how our courage, like that of Bob Acres, would be sure to ooze out at our finger-points at the very mention of such a word as “ challenge.” A challenge to do what 1 some one asks. Well, it is not so very formidable, after we have recovered from the dread of a first surprise. It is a challenge to bet him that the Wanganui Times has a larger circulation in Rangitikei than the Wangamd Chronicle. Why the old gentleman should begin to speak about circulation, and why Rangitikei should be chosen as the test, are mysteries we make no attempt to unravel. The Editor of the Chronicle never once, at any time, so far as we remember, referred publicly to the circulation of the Times ; we have no means of knowing and not the slightest wish to know about it ; the thing is part of another man’s private business with which we take no concern. The Editor of the Times seems to know about our circulation, and as we.have no reason to be ashamed of it, we don’t object, although we think he would do better if he minded his own business, and let that of others alone. We never troubled ourselves about the Times' circulation, but we did say, referring to the Editor’s position as a public journalist, (a matter quite open to rernaik) that his influence was absolutely nil, and to that statement we unreservedly adhere. The thing is perfectly well known ; it is what every body says. But this matter of newspaper circulation is treated so amusingly that we must give our readers the benefit of it. The Times says :

Several months ago a discussion arose in the office of Mr Edward Lewis, between himself and Mr Hammond, and the Rev Mr Gumming of Rangitikei, regarding the circulation of the Times and Chronicle in these districts. The gentlemen named came to our office, and Mr Hammond had the simplicity to ask what our circulation actually was. Instead of resenting as we might have done, we quietly offered to bet him £lO that it was very considerably greater than that of the Chronicle, but he prudently declined to stake his cheque against one which we offered to place in the hands of Mr Lewis. We now offer to double the amount with our contemporary of the Chronicle. We will lay him £2O, that our circulation far exceeds his, which is the best test by which his mendacious insinuations can be put to the proof. The winner of the stakes to have the right of dividing the £4O amongst such charitable ind benevolent institutions as he may see fit. How is that to be put to the proof P Yery easily. Lot the pressman of each establishment make affidavit as to the number of copies which he strikes off for the ordinary issues and monthly summaries. Then, let each paper publish as a supplement a list of the names of subscribers, the opposition offering a reward of £5 or £lO for any name falsely placed upon such list, that to be paid by the party so falsifying his list of subscribers. Will the Chronicle accept this challenge ? We await a reply, but won’t let it drop. Here is a farrago of nonsense. Its simplicity is charmingly ridiculous. Mr Lewis, Mr Hammond, &c, dragged neck and crop into an affair which they have little more connection with than the circulation of Punch. Why will the Times make such an exhibition of himself, and give point to the sneers which parties at a distance are so ready to fling at the Wanganui press ? Mr Hammond must have immensely enjoyed the joke of being asked to bet upon the circulation of the Chronicle, although he had too much good sense to close with any such absurd proposal ; and we hasten to say that we mean to follow our friend’s example. The truth is (we may as well confess it) that we cannot afford to stake money in this free and unbuttoned way ; besides we have little confidence in the affidavits, and less in the cheques, of our contemporary. We have not yet learned to bet, and perhajis it is better to defer taking lessons for some time. We cannot help, however, expressing our fear that all this noise and bounce o f the Times is indicative of weakness, and that the number of his subscribers is not what his friends would like it to be. More is the pity : we should be sorry that harm came to him.

Let us add, however, craving pardon for the introduction of shop for a moment, that if any advertisers or persons really interested in this question will do us the honour of calling we shall have much pleasure in satisfying them as to our circulation, besides putting them in the way of ascertaining accurately the numbers respectively circulated by the Times and Chronicle. There are ways of doing so without much trouble, and certainly without betting, or making affidavits, or printing lists of subscribers.