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Wanganui Chronicle, Volume 7, Issue 354, 30 July 1863, Page 1

EXTRACTS FROM PUNCH. Parliamentary Notices. u The following were omitted last week at , the Vote office, by a clerk who ; lost the list at the illuminations. - Lord Baynliam : Bill for better defence of henpecked 'husbands, witffdaws for nagging. Sir George Grey : Return of all burglars transported, or half seas over,,, .and of stray pug-dogs and lost parrots. (Unopposed.) Second 'reading of the Pennywise Act,, with saving clause cheeseparings and candleends : Mr. "Williams. Bill to cut down growing abuses, prune redundant salaries, and put a stop' to printing.. > In Committee of Supply : That all ; .tailors* bills be discharged. Provisions to - be made for supper parties. Sir R. Montague: Amendments on Appropriation Bill; to appoint select committee on the morality of-lent umbrellas, and for inquiry into friendly societies for the*better use of clubs, in Ireland upon proper beads. ! Mr. Newdegate : to ask the Home Secretary if it is true that he dine! with a man with a Roman nose, and partook of a leg of mutton with a Pope’s eye in it, while a Frenchman has taken Italy like a boot and lias put bis foot in it. Sir J. Pakington : That it be referred to the small arms committee, to enquire if our men-of-war are short-handed. To be laid on the table of the House for discussion at 7 p.m., wine measures, glass, salt, pickle, add iron plates report, Saiulwich Island treaty, coffee, and bonded pigtail. : Messrs. Staples to appear at the Hair for' the Speaker’s orders. Second reading of bills: Governor Square Gasometer,' Chemical Guano, and Dye Works., (To be discharged)., Hyde Park Central Brick Kiln and Gunpowder Association, with ‘power to 'use tlie timber for charcoal. Belgrave Square Pork-pickling, Boneboiling, and Odorous Catgut Manufacturing Company (Limited.) Bill to ‘consolidate acts for allthreatres—referred to members 1 upstairs to take steps to put rope-dancer 3 on a better footing, and to suspend all acts on the flying trapeze. Ground Yiew-stoppingy " Park-spoiling, House-tumbling. People-bothering, and General Smajshing-up Association. Members below the-gangway to keep their seats, vote right, and not turn round ; too often, or they will get dizzy at the head, and be sent to the country. An honest Fife lass, having observed, for | the first-time, the brilliant comet of : 1858, ; | ran in with breathless haste to the house, calling on her fellow/;servants toCome out, and see a new star that had ua got its, tail cuttit aff yet.” I once found Coleridge driviug the balls on a bagatelle board for a kitten to run after :them. He noticed that as soon as the little thing turned its back to the balls it seemed to forget all about them, and played with its: tail. “I am amused,” he said “ with their little short memories.” The steward of the “ Golden Gate” had as nice an idea of dying rich as Capt. Chucks, in “Peter Simple” had of dying respectable. Re picked up all the gold he could find lying round loose, put it into two bags, and with one in {each hand, jumped overboard. As he didn’t come up it was supposed he died quite wellj*§. ff. The Irish Parliament, in 1784, sent, a Bill limiting the privilege of franking to England for the Royal approbation. One cluuse enacted,. “ That'should a member be unable to write, lie might authorise, another person to frank for him provided that on the back of the letter so franked, the member gives a certificate, uuder his hand, of his inability to write.” In one of Lover’s Irish stories, the narrator, describing the feats of a very knowing fox, tells how Master lieyuaid entered a cottage, sat down by the fire, and took up a Roscommon Journal. “ Oil aisy,” cried a listener, a fox read the paper ! lam not going to believe that.” “To be sure,” retorted the other, ‘f If a fox dosen’t read the newspapers, how tt is he to know where the hounds meet ?” -

A farmer was ejected to a copnralship in a volunteer company. His wife, after discoursing with him for some time on the advantage which the family would derive from his exaltation, inquired, in a doubting tone—“ Husband, will it be proper for U 9 to let 6ur children play with our neighbour’s now ?” One of the little urchins eagerly asked, “ Are we not all corporals ?’ * l l ut,” said the mother, “ hold your tongue, there is no one corporal but your father and myself.” A provincial priest’in France was preaching about Joshua on Sunday, aud laying especial stress upon his feat of making the sun stand still. “ Good gracious !’’ exclaimed a parishoner, “ how is that, parson ? 1 have heard the sun always stood still.'’ The priest was embarrassed for a moment, but recovering himself said : “So it does, but it, used to move; it has stood ouiy since Joshua commanded it to.do so.” The best adhesive label you can put o luggage is to it stick to yourself. 'llie wives along the Mississippi ~ev blew up their husbands. 'Tin y lea ?' it to the steamboats.