FALSE MODESTY

Wairarapa Times-Age, 8 October 1938, Page 10

FALSE MODESTY

ADVERTISING DEFECTS. I recently heard two people discussing a mutual friend as they stood waiting for a bus (says a writer" in “Home Chat.”) They had quite a lot to say about her virtues and vices, and finally one. of them said: “What I like about Jane, though, is her modesty. She has no illusions about herself, and doesn’t mind anyone knowing her defects and failings!” “Yes, that’s true,” said the other; “but do you think it’s altogether wise to shout about one’s shortcomings and defects, as she does?” This conversation set me thinking. I was reminded forcibly of my friend Mary, a very nice and likeable girl—but why, for instance, does she always refer to her quite attractive little retrousse nose as “my awful snub nose,” drawing attention Jo what, if it is her weakest feature, would not otherwise be noticed as such? Then there’s Laura, one of those “hearty” girls, who is fond of alluding to herself as the “maiden aunt” or the “old maid of the family.” Of course, she doesn’t by any means believe that this is true, but if she is not very careful other people will begin to call her the same things, and she certainly won’t enjoy that! Mary and Laura are not really exceptions. So many girls make the mistake of advertising their defects, instead of, like Brer Rabbit, “lying low and saying nothing.” They seem to think tnat they add to their attractions by running down their own good points or hiding them from others. A man compliments such a girl on her pretty hair, and she immediately spoils things by saying, “Oh, it’s terrible. It wants setting!” He admires her frock, and she must at once say, “It’s an old rag terribly faded and old-fashioned!” She is very foolishly lowering her own value by her mistaken modesty. The same thing can easily, happen in conversation —perhaps at a party. If a subject being discussed is one of which you are entirely ignorant, there is no need for you to say outright, “Oh, I don’t understand it,” or “I know nothing at all about the subject.” It is much wiser to keep quiet and listen, and you’ll not only learn quite a lot, but you will probably be thought quite clever because you haven’t shown your ignorance! : Should your opinion be asked, however, you can always say, “Well, I’m afraid I don’t know enough about the matter to say anything.” I know a girl who is constantly telling people all the things she doesn’t know! She blithely, tells them that she has no memory for books or places. She “can’t bear” history, can’t play the piano, doesn’t appreciate good music, and can’t cook for love or money! Her foolish prattling, which she honestly thinks is rather fascinating, gives people the impression that she is a perfect “dud.” She never mentions all the things she can do—and do really well. She makes all her own clothes, does most beautiful embroidery, has a lovely garden, and has won medals for swimming and life-! saving. Remember that the world takes us at our own valuation, and although no one likes people who are continually blowing their own trumpets, it is really very false and unprofitable modesty to underestimate oneself and one’s talents. Quite apart from the irritation this habit causes your fellow creatures, just think for a moment of the terrible effect it has on you. We all know a little bit about psychology these days, and one thing it teaches us is that if you go on deceiving yourself and other people long enough, the deceit becomes as near reality as makes no difference. Therefore if you persuade everybody that you are “a very ’umble person” you are well on the way to being a complete nonentity. So, without being unduly pleased with yourself, be content with your personality and cultivate your real assets.