CHILD MANAGEMENT

Wairarapa Times-Age, 25 July 1938, Page 8

CHILD MANAGEMENT

ENCOURAGE INDEPENDENCE i Too often it is found that the mother and father insist upon keeping the child tied to them long after it should have developed its independence. The physical weaning that takes place when the child is nine months old is symbolic of the spiritual weaning that should take place also; but, unlike the former, it is a slow but progressive change that occupies many years, reaching completeness only with the onset of physical maturity. Many of the troubles of child management arise because parents do not understand the absolute necessity for the child to be set free from its dependence upon them as its ability to do things for itself develops day by day. They want “to keep their baby” after babyhood has passed; and so the child is petted and spoilt, and is discouraged when’ it wants to do things for itself. Though both parents may err in this way, it is more often the mother who wishes to keep the child in its state of infantile dependence, for in this way her sense of power, her need of feeling that she is “wanted,” that she is essential to the existence of someone, is satisfied. It is interesting to notice at this point that the happily married man or woman never become a possessive parent, because their need for giving and receiving love is fulfilled, and is not seeking for a satisfactory outlet. The effect upon the child of the mother’s desire to be all to it is shown in many ways. The baby soon learns that she is a willing slave. As it grows older it refuses to be in a room alone; it must always be near its mother. At an age when it should \be learning to feed itself, she feeds it. She stays by its bed when it is going to sleep, and in some cases it goes on sharing the parents’ bedroom, because it refuses to sleep in a room alone. At six years of age it still has to be dressed; and in many other ways the growth of a normal spirit of independence is held back. When the child goes to kindergarten or school there is further trouble, because the child cries so bitterly at being separated from its mother. In many cases, when the mother sees this effect of her relation to the child, she sets about freeing him; but sometimes it is already too late, for the child "has so centred its emotional life upon her that it is unable to make proper contacts with others,' especially with children of its own age. According to the temperament of the child, it will be either aggressive, demanding the attention and submission it has been used to having; or shy and solitary. Either way, these children find it difficult to make friends.