Page 3 Advertisements Column 1

Wairarapa Standard, Volume I, Issue 41, 14 October 1867, Page 3

A gallant was lately sitting beside his beloved, and being unable to think of anything to say, asked her why she was like a tailor’ “I don't know,” said she, with a pouting lip, “ unless it is because I am sitting beside M goose.” An Irishman, being asked by his master if he had counted all the pigs, replied that he had counted them all hut one lively little porker, which ran about so that he could not count it. “ matter how often you may fall into the river,” said an old toper, “you wont drown if your head swims." Mrs Partington wants to know, if it were intended that women should drive their husbands, why arc they put through the bridal ceremony ? A gentleman at an inn, being supplied with two caudles which gave a very dim limit, called to the waiter—“ Here, waiter, have a couple of decent candles, to see how these others burn !” The following lines arc said to have been found on-the desk of an indolent official in one of our Government departments ; 1-10K410 to II eats breaktast tor seven ProM 11 to I—there's nothing done. From 1 to 2—there’s nothing to do. ’ From 2 to 3—begins to see That 3to 4—is a deuce of a bore. A young gentlemen lately entered the shop of a confectioner in a Scotch town, and standing- at the counter, with considerable gusto discussed a pretty large tart. Ho tendered to the good woman a shilling, to pay for his repast, which she had to lake to a neighborin'' shop to obtain change. Left alone our friend found his appetite return, and he proceeded to help himself to some small, neatly-twisted, altogether very enticing-looking gingcr-snaps| which lay close by. He had demolished twelve of these, each being only a bite, when the simp mistress returned. The gentlemen pointed to the remaining snaps by way of inquiring what was the damage, and was rather surprised bv the exclamation, “ Gude save us! ye hacna eaten ony o’ time snaps?—“ Just twal q’ them,” said the youth; “what for no?” “ What for no ? because they are medicine for bairns; ilka yin’s a dose ibr a wean—it has twa grains o’ julep and a grain o’ calamcl in’ti’ ye’ve got phcesick for yiuco, pm thinkin’; It was enough. How much lie paid, or whether he paid at all, or how he spent the afternoon, has not been heard; but the next flay lie was seen wandering pevturhcdly through* the streets, pale and sorrowful. °