VARIETIES.

Wairarapa Standard, Volume I, Issue 26, 1 July 1867, Page 4

VARIETIES.

How TO SECURE A lIuSBASD IN FRANCE, A girl and pretty, and above all gifted wiili an air of admirable Parisian candour, lardy presented herself before a lawyer, “ Monsieur, f have come to consult you upon a grave affair. I want you to oblige a mm I love to marry me in spite of himself. How shall I proceed ?” Thy gcntlcuw-n of the bar had, of course a sufficiently clastic conscience. He reflected a mouunt, ami then, being sure that no third penen overheard him, replied hesitatingly:— “ Mademoiselle, according to our law, you always po «css the means of forcing a man to ni.-iry you. You must remain on three occasions rdone with him; you can then go before a judge, and swear that he is your lover.” “ And will that suffice monsieur ? ” “ Yes Mademoiselle, with one further condition.” 11 Well?”

“ Then you will produce witnesses who will make oath to have seen you remain a good quarter of an hour with the individual said to have trilled with your affections.”

“ Very well, Monsieur, I will retain'yOil"as" counsel in . the management of this affair, Good day.” A few days afterwards the lady returned. She was mysteriously received by the who scarcely giving her time to seat' herself, questioned her with the most lively, curiosity. “ Capital, capital.” : f . , ' ; “ Persevere in your design, Madmoiselle; but mind the next time you come to consult me give me the name of the young man you are going to make so happy in spite of himself.” “ You shall have it without fail.”

A fortnight afterwards, the , lady, again knocked at the door of the counsels room. No sooner wos she within, she flung herself into a chair, saying that the walk had made her breathless. Her counsel endeavored to reassure her, made her inhale. salts, and proposed to unloose her collar. ■ “It is useless, Monsieur,” she said, “ I anV much better.” “ Well now tell me the name of the fortunate mortal.” ■

“ Well, then, the fortunate mortal, be it known to you is—yourself! said the young beauty, bursting into a laugh. ' “I love ypu ; I have been here three • times “ tete-a-tete ” with you, arid my four ■ witnesses are below, ready and willing to accompany me to a magistrate,” gravely continued the narrator. The lawyer, thus caught, had the good sense not to get angry. The most singular fact of all is, that he adores his young wife, who, by the way, makes an excellerit housekeeper. : 1 A STAPLE PRODUCTION. A full-grown native, in rather and oblivious and blamy state, tumbled into a Cobb’s coach, one bright morning, beside a traveller who was in pursuit of knowledge, certainly at that time, “ under difficulties.” After the ribbons had been picked up, and the horses received notice to start, the traveller remarked that New Zealand was a fine country. “ ’ T—hick—ain’t nothing else,” hiccoughed the native. “ What is the staple production, sir ? ” “Co-or-on.” “ You must raise a large quantity—what is done with it ? ” “W-h-hic-wy, a great deal is used up in wh-hic-isky, and some’they waste in making bread.”