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Wairarapa Standard, Volume I, Issue 14, 6 April 1867, Page 3

A young lady at school, engaged in the study of grammar, was asked if “ kiss ” was a common or proper noun. After some hesitation, she replied, “It is both common and proper.”

Dining with a Lord.—A country gentle * man, was invited to dinner at the Prioiy by the late Marquis of Abercorn, and arrived five minutes after the hour named, excused himself by saying that his carriage had been stopped by a hay-cart. “ When you dine with a ni; a of my rank, sir, you should allow for haj» carts,” was the consolatory reply of his lordship. A Brief Charge.—A short time before his death, Judge Forster went the Oxford circuit at the hottest part of one of the hottest summers. The jury, as usual, waited for his charge, which he gave as follows:—“ Gentlemen, the weather is very hot, I am veiy old, and you are well acquainted with your duty. 1 hope ana believe you will perform it.”

The Old Maid’s Register.—At 15 years is anxious for coming out, and to obtain the attention of men. 16—Begins to have some idea of the tender passion. 17—Talks of love in a cottage, and disinterested affection. 18—Fancies herself in love with some handsome man who has flattered her. 19—Is a little more diffident in consequence of being noticed. 20—Commences to be fashionable, and has a taste for dashing. 21—Acquires more confidence in her own atraction, and expects a brilliant establishment. 22—Refuses a good offer, because the gentleman is not a man of fashion. 23—No objection to flirt with any well-behaved gentleman. 24—Begins to wonder she is not married. 25—Becomes rather more circumspect in her conduct. 26—Begins to think a large fortune not quite so indispensable. 27—Affects to prefer the company of rational men. 28—Wishes to be married in a quiet way, with a comfortable income. 29—Almost despairs of entering the married state. 30—Betrays the dread of being called an old maid. 31—An additional attention to dress is now manifested. 32—Professes to dislike balls, finding it difficult to get good partners. 33—Wonders how men can neglect the society of sedate, amiable women, to flirt with chits. 34 —Affects good humour in her conversation with men. 35—T00 jealous of the praise of other women, more at this period than any other. 36—Quarrels with her friend who has lately been married, 37—Imagines herself slighted in society. 38—Likes talking of her acquaintances who are married unfortunately, and finds consolation in their misfortune. 39—111-nature visibly increases. 40— Becomes meddling and officious. 41—If rich makes love to a young man without fortune. 42—Not succeeding, rails against the whole sex. 43—A partially for cards and scandal. 44—T00 severe against the manners of the age. 45—Exhibits a strong predilection for a Methodist preacher. 46 —Enraged at his desertion, and accuses the whole sex of inconstancy. 47—Becomes desponding and takes snuff. 48—Attunes her sensibility to dogs and cats. 49—Adopts a dependent relation to attend her menagerie. 50—Becomes disgusted with the world, and vents her humour on her unfortunate keeper of animals. Talks of propriety tremendously—drinks tea in large quantities, at the usual hours, and often on the sly. Rather objects to mirrors. Takes to benevolism: each and all cresendo, till she bowls off into unlimited space.

There were no less than five deaths through drunkenness at Blackburn during the Christmas week. A member of the band of a volunteer corps left a public-house so drunk that he tumbled off a causeway and so injured his spine that the next day he died. A women 50 years old, was put to bed early in the evening, drunk, by her husband; but at 9 o’clock her daughter called to her from below, when she got up, fell down stairs, and received fatal injuries. An habitually tipsy weaver wound up ten days, drinking with such a bout that he was found dead by his wife on the staircase. A carter returning from market, with a cart and two horses, fell down drunk on the road and a wheel passed over his head. And a brewery labourer supped and drank so freely at a public-house, that going home he missed his way and walked straight into the river. A travelling menagerie was recently located for some days on the south quay, Ayr, N.B. Two or three boys had crept in at an interstice between the caravans, and one of them began to tempt a leopard with a bone. The animal, getting provoked, thrust out his paw, and caught one of its tormentors companions—a boy, about nine years of age—by the face, tearing a portion of his nose and cheek, but fortunately inflicting no other serious injury. An inquest was held on the body of a roper who died suddenly at his residence in Warrenstreet, Newcastle. The medical man, who had made a post-mortem examination of the body, said death was the result ofinflammation of the lungs and the breaking of a blood vessel; but the most singular fact in connection with the deceased was that the heart was fonnJ on the right side instead of the left.