VARIETIES.

Wairarapa Standard, Volume I, Issue 7, 16 February 1867, Page 1 (Supplement)

VARIETIES.

“ I wish I could he cured of lying in bed so late in the morning,’' said a lazy husband, l iungin; on his pillow. “ We'l, suppose I try the ”-‘er cure,” said his wife, throwing a ■ 0 him. How to Please Your Friends.—Goto the d : g rings—stay there seven years—work hard—get money —save it—come home—bring ‘with von a load of wealth, consumption or a diseased live:—visit your friends—make a will—provide for them all —then die. What a prudent generous, kind-hearted soul you will be. Ax Offer to Sell a House is Selling it. —The Marchioness of Ely offered to sell her house tc Mr Chinnock for £IO,OOO, hut she afterwaads changed her mind and asked him to withdraw his offer to take it. He

would not do so, and her ladyship’s solicitor then imposed conditions which he objected to, and he filed a bill in Chancery for specific performance of the agreement. The ViceChancellor held that her ladyship must sell Mr Chinnock her , house.

The oldest newspaper in the world is published in Pekin. It is printed on a large sheet of silk, and, it is said, has made a weekly appearance for upwards of a thousand years.

The enormous number of 291,597,240 eggs were imported into England in the first ten months of last year—not very far from a million a day.

Doing the Barber.— An eastern shore man stepped into a barber’s shop in Xew York and requsted the barber to take off twelve and a half cent’s worth of hair. The barber trimmed his locks very neatly, and then combed and brushed them in the most particular style “ Are you done ?” asked the eastern shore man, as the barber removed the napkin from his neck. “ Yes, sir,” returned the man of the razor, with a how. “ are you certain that you took off eleven-pence worth?” “Yes. sir.” returned the barber, “ there’s the glass—you can see for yourself,” “well” said the eastern shore man. “ if you think you have got elevenpense worth off, I don’t know as I have got any use for it, and I haven't got any change; so you may just keep the hair for your trouble.” True Greatness. —“ What,” said the American ambassador (Everett), “ was that which constituted the chief pride and glory of the British nation ? They had heard of the intercepted letter from one Chinese chieftain to another; and what was the characterestic which had excited the admiration of the mandarin of a great and important empire, reeling at the time under the blows of the British Government? Was it the military poweress of their countrymen? Was it the steam-vessels of war, reaching coasts in defiance of the simoon ? Was it their arms, their artillary, their skill in engineering, which civilized nations now brought to the strategy of war ? Was it this, or any of these, which had struck with wonder, and awe, and admiration, the barbarians of China ? Xo! It was the humanity of the British physicians and surgeons—their management of hospitals, and the generons.kindness which was extended to the sick and wounded, even to a hostile nation—which moved them with astonishment and excited their sympathy and regard. These were some of the arts of peace which extorted the admiration of the enemy, and which other States well to imitate.”

U.VKTND. —“ Pray, sir,” said LadyWallroeto David Hume, “ I am often asked what age I am; what answer should I make?” Mr. Hume immediately guessing her ladyship’s meaning said, “ Madam, when yon are asked that question again, answer that you are not yet come to the years of discretion.”

Sweet Margaret Fane came up the lane from picking the ripe red berries ; and met young Paul, comely and tall, going to market with cherries. Stopping, she blushed, and he looked flushed, perhaps twas the burden they carried ; when they passed their burdens were one, and at Christmas they were married.