JUDICIAL HUMORISTS.

Waikato Argus, Volume V, Issue 357, 22 October 1898, Page 2 (Supplement)

JUDICIAL HUMORISTS.

Among British judges Mr Justice Hawkins has a deserved reputation as a judicial wit; but many of his best sayings lose their pungency when divorced from the attendant circumstances and from his dry, grave way of saying them. There is nothing finer in affected innocence tban his disclaimer of any knowledge of racing matters. As he blandly inquires: "Who is Mr Archer?" or " Who is Mr Tattersall ?' he assumes all the appearance of an unweaned infant, instead of that of a leiding member of the Jockey Club. His affected sympathy with prisoners is sometimes excruciatingly funny. One day when a man, who had been convicted of a specially heartless fraud, was brought before Sir Henry for sentence, the prisoner began to weep copiously. Sir Henry looked at the contrite and broken scoundrel with affected pity in his eyes, and tenderly inquired: " Have you ever been sentenced to imprisonment ?'' " Never, never," exclaimed the sobbing man. " Well, don't cry," Sir Henry said, consolingly, "you are going to be now.' It is rarely 3afe to match wits with Sir Henry, as the late Bishop of Chester found to his cost. The judge, who was on circuit, was invited to dine at tho house of a Cheshire squire, and, among other men of mark, the bishop was invited to meet him. Sir Henry was an hour late in arriving, and, it was suspected, on good grounds, that he had been watching the race for the Chester Cup. "Well," said the bishop, " what won the Cup? Sir Henry looked at the bishop with surprise in his eyes. " The Cup? Dear me, yes? I did see a crowd at the station, and beard the paper boys calling outsomethingabouta Cup."" And didn't you buy a paper ."' persisted the bishop. " No," answered the judge, " I really thought it wasn't necessary, as I knew your lordship would tell me all about the race." Mr Justice Vaughan Willians since his elevation to the bench has lost much of the audacity and wit which distinguished him at the bar. On one occasion he was arguing a case before Mr Justice Field in his later days of deafness aud irritability. As Mr Williams continued the judge grew more and more irritable, until finally ho broke in with, "Be short, Mr Williams ! be short !" Mr Williams replied, with that delicious stammer of his, " My lord, everyone is anxious to be as short as possible before your lordship." Few judges have said more clever things iu a short time than Mr Justice Dirling, whose wit is at once subtle aud refined. The other day a counsel who was appeiring before him had occasion to refer to a volume of portentous size. 'Whit is the title of the book you arc referring to ?*' Mr Justice Darling asked. "Official intelligence,' my lord," answered counsel. " Dear me !" the judge said, wearily, " I should have thought it might all have been contained iua much smaller compass."

A judge, like humbler mortals, occasionally says what he does not rawn. Mr Justice Kekewich has distinguished himself more than ouce by these verbal vagaries. Speaking some time ago at the aunual dinner of the Children's Hospital, he said, refrerring to the Lord Mayor, who presided : "He reminded me, perhaps reminded others, of a scene which we have all read and may read again in the debtors' prison where that well-known character, Mr Pickwick," &c.