MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

Waikato Argus, Volume V, Issue 339, 10 September 1898, Page 1 (Supplement)

MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

Infantile Wit.—" Mamma, I dess you'll hiivo to turn the Lose on me.' "What for, dear?" " Tause I've dot my 'cookings or. wrong side out."

Hares must be fairly plentiful in the Duusandel district. A story has reached the Canterbury Acclimatisation Society to the effect that a party headed by a Dunsandel farmer had recently shot no less than 104 within four hours.

An Invercargill publican is credited with having taken out a prohibition order against an elderly farm labourer, who visited the town with the express purpose in view of " knocking down " his cheque as soon as possible.

A strange accident, which narrowly escaped being a disaster, occurred at the mouth of the Potomac river, United States. During a thunderstorm a flash of lightning struck the switchboard at Fort Washington, which controls all the mines laid along the river. Three of the mines exploded with tremaudous force, throwing enormous spouts of water high into the air. Many of the crafts in the river had hairbreadth escapes.

An easy method of detecting small punctures in the air tubes of bicycles is to place an ounce of red ochre inside the tube, pouring the same through the valve body. By carrying this colour always in the tubes immediately there is the smaliest escape of air the colour is carried through the punctures, thus marking the place on the outside of the tube. All the rider has then to do is to follow the instructions given in the Dunlop repair midget outfit, which can be obtained from any cycle agent.

The right to the possession of a medical prescription threatens to be soon tested in a Syduey Court. The chemist who compounded the mixture sticks to the prescription, while the patient, who believes the remedy an infallible cure for disorder, demands the return of the paper. The doctor, being referred to, held that the prescription is really his property, and that chemist and patient were mere temporary holders, and declined to give a copy of the document without a special fee. English law is uusettled on the point, and, so far, Australian law has made no pronouncement. A comical incident occurred the other day during the hearing of one of the numerous actions against Sir Tatton Sykes, Bart. Jt happened while he was under cross-examination by Mr Walton Lawson, Q.C. The baronet, overpowered by his efforts to repel the battery of questions aimed at him, declared for .luncheon before the customary time with the remark : " I am so weary, I really must ask to retire, my lord ; I must have some refreshment." And, according to the report, before any reply could be given the titled defendant hud stepped from the box and walked out of court. Evidently unable to help themselves in the matter, their lordships had to adjourn also. Thus the unique spectacle was witnessed of a high court temporarily suspending its functions at the whim of a witness instead of at the will of a judge.

The Melbourne papers tell of a email boy, son of a professional gentleman of good standing, who, happening to possess a splendid voice, struck out on his own account as a street vocalist. His father bustliug along the street on business tha other day, was struck with the familiarity of the voice of a bo3 r warbliug a plaintive ditty from the gutter. The startled parent walked over to see what the street singer was like, and to his amazement found his own son rigged out in scarecrow clothes, with his face artistically blackened, piping out the sorrows of an orphan boy and a hreadles3 home, while he held before him an old felt hat for collection purposes, in which a kind-hearted public had deposited 4s 2d in small coins. The boy went home very suddenly, and piped a different tune to stirrup leather accompaniment.

A man, who volubly protested against his wife's application to have a prohibition order made out against him iu the Court at Christihurch on Friday (says the Lyttelton Times) caused a great deal of amusement and some indignation, by the questions which ho put to his better half. " What grudge have you got aeainst me?" ho queried. "I have none," was the answer, "it is for your own good." "Have you ever been in want through my drinking ?" " Yes, although I have always worked for my own living." Turning excitedly to the Bench, he said, " Your Worships, I have half a pig in the house and some potatoes at this very moment !' ( To his wife : " Your Worship, to show you what sort of people are trying to get the order out, she paid for half a pint of boer for me laet night, and drank half of it herself !" " I did not," interjected the applicant. " You are a liar," was the answer. After a little more of this sort of talk, the Bench granted the application. The message boy of a certain Melbourne establishment was sent out to deliver six globes, put up in two parcols, and some other merchandise. He was hardly out of sight of his shop when a pedestrian ran into him and broke the globes he was carrying under his right arm, and in trying to avoid tho collision he lurched to one side and broke the other globes against a telegraph pole. _ Putting on as good a face as was posaiblo under the circumstances, the lad returned to the shop and was about to give an explanation when the bo-s cut him short and exclaimed : " You chum - faced, dunder headed galoot, of 40 - horse - power. I thought you would forget the globes. Go upstairs at once and get them, and if they aren't delivered within ten minutes just look out for yourself." Seoing how things lay, the errand boy at once " tumbled," parcollod up his globe*, and delivered them in record time, and never stopped grinning for a whole week. — Ironmonger.

The Saturday Review gives a notable instance of British devotion and presence of mind under danger on the ludiau frontier. Iu one of the numerous heroic struggles on the north-west our men were sent forward to carry positions that had .to be relinquished as soon as occupied. When the men were retiring, harassed by the fire of the hillsmcn, and bewildered by the growiug darkness, a party of 13 got astray and found themselves in a position where resistance and retreat were alike hopeless. They were exposed without protection, and were shot down one by one. When their comrades retook the valley, and discovered the bodies, they discovered also the evidences of a rare act of courage, devotion, and cool judgment. Knowing that their end had come, and knowing further that every Lee-Metford rifle that fell into the hands of the Afridis meant the loss of many English lives, the men had extracted the breech-blocks from the rifles and hurled them down the ravine, so that the rifles when taken should be useless to their captors. M. Boldini, the well known painter, has found the Yankoo Customs authorities too smart for him. Amongst some i i itures which, he took over from Paris to New York for salu was a pot-

tniit of Verdi, which he valued at 2000 francs. There in an ad valorem duty of '25 per cent, on works of art imported into tho United States, and the Customs authorities considered M. Boldini too inodoet in the estimate of his own work. A lady professing to be an enthufiastic admirer of Verdi's music, called on the paiuter, inspected the portrait, which she had seen mentioned in tho press, and after some negotiation agreed to buy the picture for 5000 francs. She took away a sale note, siying that she would take delivery on the following day. The lady never returned, but two Custom officers that evening took po 6 ssion of the studio, and imforine 1 the astonished and enraged artist that they had received instructions to guard the picture, pending the action that the Customs intended bringing against him for declaring tho picture to be worth less than half the ainonut it fetched forty-eight hours afterwards. The lady was a Customs' 6py. M. Boldini finds himself in this dilemma, either he undervalued the picture to escape duty, or he sold it for more than double its value. His defence is that the price that a generous purchaser is willing to pay is no indication of the real value of the picture. The law suit promises to furnish some knotty problems for art connoisseurs.

An unusually interesting return was recently presented to the British. House of Commons, showing the *• flogtrmg Judges " and the number of lashes awarded by each. The pride of place is held by Mr Justice Day with 137 criminals and 3766 strokes, covering this period from ISB3 to 1597. Commenting on this return a correspondent of the .Daily News incidently relates how Mr Justice Day stamped out the " High Rip (Jang " in Liverpool which paralysed the police and terrorised '.he whole of the locality in which they psrformed their operations. Their mode of procedure was curious. A certain number would stand outside, say. a butcher's shop with drawn knives, while the others would go inside and help themselves to what they wanted, in the meantime holding the butcher at bay with interesting weapons of various characters. They were caught by twos and threes, however, and Mr Justice Day, being on the Northern Circuit, went in company with several decteetives and surveyed those who were still at large at their work. At the assize he deferred their sentence till the end of the session and had them all brought up in the dock together. He began hi* address to them with the announcement that he was " not going to give you men long terms of imprisonment." At this the gentlemen in the dock smiled. " But," continued the Judge, " when you go in you get 20 lashes of the cat, when you have been in nine months you get 2f) lashes "f the cat, and before you come out you get 20 lashes of the cat. And then, grimly remarked the Judge, " you can 6how that to your friends.'' After two visits of Mr Justice Day to Liverpool the " High Rip Gang" ceased to exist.

There has just been arrested in Melbourne a man named Bunnell, who, in spite of the best efforts of the police, has been practising the fraud of cattle " duffiing " for about seven mouths. For four months a mounted constable has had tiie search for Bunnell as his whole duty, and Bunnell, when arrested stated that he had " duffed " over eighty cattle and made between £3 and £4 a week at the business. Some of Bunnell's methods were unique, A favourite plan of his was to look in the " Lost and Found " columns of the newspapers, and when he came upon an announcement that a beast haviug certain brands had strayed into somebody's paddock, and could be had for the asking and payment of expenses, he would make early application for the animal, stating that he was the owner. Calling on the advertiser, and being shown the stray cow, ho would say, " That's my Polly, right enough ; I could pick her out of a thousand. Jf my boy was here now she'd let him mi'k her. Wonderfully attached to my youngest boy, that cow is. That's why I can't make out why she took to strayin' of late. She's become a perfect nuisance. Perhaps it's because my grass is getting a bit low." If the advertiser happened to go near the cow's hind legs, Bunnell would excliain, " Mind, she kicks." There was no gainsaying that he owned the cow, anybody could see that. He knew all about her, even her name. Referring again in a gloomy manner to his grace prospects, he would say, "I'll tell you what I'll do ; give us £4 hard, and she's youry." The offer which he made was generally a tempting one, and the bargain was soon closed, otherwise the seller would be prepared to concede a point. When the real owner of the cow turned up later, the purchaser learned that he had been victimised.

Despite the undoubted good intentions of the founders, and the initial success of communistic settlements, these efforts seem destined ultimately to prove that man is, after all, an intensely selfish and individualistic being, and that the collectivists' doctrine that all should work, without hope of any special reward, equally for the common good, is incapable of any permanent practical realisation. The latest example is that of the Zoar community. For the last 75 years this community, known also as the Society of Separatists, has lived away from the rest of the world in the rich and beaut'ful Tuscarawas County, in the Sutc of Ohio, America. lb was essentially communistic in its social and economic organisation. Nobody worked for wages. Each did the duties assigned to him or her, and al! profit went into the general fund. The Society formed at one time a good-sized settlement and was considered of so much importance that the Wheeling and Lake Erie Railway Company built a station at Zoar, one of the Separatists acting as statiou master, aucl his salary, of course, going to swell the communistic purse Recent years, however, has seen a dwindling away of the members. Many were tempted to leave the quiet communal life and take part in the bustle, competition, noise and strife of the outside world ; and, despite the fact that an unrelenting law debarred all such backsliders from any share in the general stock, the number of the Zoarites steadily decreased. At last the Society was reduced to some 136 men, women and children. Then the old Adam of individualism asserted itself, and it was resolved to share out. There were some eight thousand acres of excellent laud besides other valuable property, and the ultimate division placed A'2400 to the credit of each of the remaining 136 members. Poor Bellamy ! how lie would have vexed his righteous soul were he still alive.—Oamaru Mail.