WOMANLESS JOHANNESBURG.

Waikato Argus, Volume II, Issue 94, 13 February 1897, Page 1 (Supplement)

WOMANLESS JOHANNESBURG.

o (African Critic.) Dry ! Dry as a bone ! Dry as dust! These are tho words which naturally form on one's lips when looking ovtr the vast and wonderful array of figures contained in the complete report of the Johannesburg census. Dry as dust the report may be ; but it is nevertheless interesting, fascinat'tig, even enthralling. All depends upon how one looks at it. Examine the very first detail of the report—tho balance of tho sexes. It needs a thinker, a ■philosopher, a man who is both—a modern Diogenes, to wit—to properly and satisfactorily go into the question. I cannot hope to do so. I can only with diffidence make my comments thereon. Tho figures state that out of a total population of 102,07 S souls there arc 75,:J15 males and 22,763 females. What a paradise Johannesburg must be for the gentler sex ! No chanc.3 of being laid on tho shelf, neglected and forgotten ! No, for taken all round, the odds upon marriage are seven to two in favour of the ladies. Just conjure up what this fact really means ! It is no deep, complex problem, hidden in a bushel of figures. It tells a tile, a plain, unvarnished tale. It does moro. It makes tho heart of woman glad not only in the Golden City itself, but wheresoever in the wide world the wonderful news is wafted. And woman, when she is glad, is woman. What joy must be in the camp of the No"" Woman ! How her eyes must sparkle behind her hlue glasses ! How her heart must palpitate in ecstasy at the mere mention of the bare, bald figures, which say so little but convey so much. To think that upon one spot upon the world's surface woman rules and reigns supreme ; to think that there is a paradise where one woman can choose between three and a-lvlf men. Three and a-half men ! That p.'oe must be a heaven ! Ilnz ? There are 32,387 European males and 15,520 European females, Ugb ! Only one man and three-quarters ! Sc°says she of the White Sisterhood. And at once she begins to vilify her coloured sisters because they bad the advantage of the deal. So like woman ! So characteristic of the newest of new women. The Kaffir woman was the best off ; and, it seems, they glory in the fact. To eaeh of them are 21 beings of the male Kaffir persuasion—2l and a bit, What coquetry, what coyness must there be amonsr the dusky beauties ! _ And what heart-burnings, heart-breakings, and cranium -crackings must be among the no less dusky swains ! Among the Asiatic residents in the threo-mile radius there are about six men to every woman. But the lot of poor John Chinaman is the bitterest of all. Jle left his native laud in tho heyday of youth, -<vith the lightest of heart and the emptiest of pockets, and with a determination to revolutionise the world. He now finds himself stranded in the City of Cold without a single helpmate, without a single beauteous pair of almond eyes to look upon his manly form. His fate is indeed a hard one ! In Lnndou I know a young fellow who would do anything, within reason and without reason, to possess one whole young lassie to himself, even if he had to forgo the additional fractional part of female beauty which falls to bis share. I have never studied the subject—l have never had occasion to do so—but I am given to understand that, in London there are about one female and a quarter to every member of the sterner sex ; and from what I have seen, from what I gather, I can well believe this to be a fact. Yes, I have the pleasure of knowing many a young fellow who is anxious to lose his heart; indeed, I believe that many young men on tho staff of the African Critic are, in spite of the wealth of beauty, natural and otherwise, which is to bo met with on every side, still heart-wdiole. For I have observed —and I believe this to be one of the chief signs of a craving for female sooiety where two is company and three is a crowd—that they cast longing glances at every young lady they come across. If a young man should find it difficult, in this groat metropolis, where there is such a preponderance of the gentler sex, to lose his heart, how much harder, how much sadder, bow much morejiitter must be the fate of tho amorous Johannesburger with only seven-eighths of a daughter of Eve to call his own, if he be a European ; one twenty-fourth if ho be a Kaffir ; and not one fraction, not one atom, not a single shred, if he a Chinaman ! Pity the sorrows of these men, O ye women ! Whether ye be oil women or new women, whether ye be end-of-century women or women of the old regime, whether ye be beautiful women or pale women, whether ye be blue »toekings or shop girls, whether ye be dutiful daughters or religious daughters, whether ye be the women who did or the women who didn't, take heed of the painful, heartrending pleadings of Ihese cheerless comfortless, wifeless, desolate Johannesburgers. Go out in your hundreds and your thousands and gladden their hearts. If you are spinsters or widows—or grass widows - you will be welcomed with opon arms. I have said Johannesburg is a paradise for women. It is, it is! There is a want, there is a void, there is a vacuum in tho City of Gold, which Nature abhors, and only woman, beauteous woman, glorious woman can fill it,

Visiting cards printed, equal ta copperplate, at The Ariios office. There arc about 1,530 theatres in Europe, Italy possessing more than any country. The telephone- has penetrated the dc;crt, one having been carried lot) miles into the Sahara. Tin-: Waikato Arkus is the best advertising medium in Waikato. It has the largest circulation amongst the settlers. Silver seems to have become the American politician's favourite metal—to tho exclusion of his old-time stand-by, brass, During last year co fewer than 10,000 school children were taught to swim by instructors employed by the London Schools Swimming Association. Among the big wholesale houses of London athletics arc caicfully fostered by a system of clubs, which enjoy the patronage and support of the beads of the various firms All the local bodies in the Waipa, Waikato, and Piako Counties advertise in Tut; Waikato Alters. This, in itself, proves that the AlltiVS is the best udvertbi'ig medium.