The enemy within

Waimarino Bulletin, Volume 4, Issue 7, 15 July 1986, Page 16

The enemy within

Most of us are aware of the state of ambivalence we find ourselves in from time to time. Shall I wear this shirt or that one? Steak or chicken for tea? Vote National or Labour? Golf or catch up on work? Light the fire or turn the heater on? But the debate goes deeper as I look at things objectively. As a person of the 20th century, I believe reason is better than prejudice. I believe in the Good News of Jesus Christ, made irrelevant only by the ignorance of man. I consider Te Kohanga Reo to be good for New Zealand and its people and see good reasons for its continuance. I deplore the situation of railway workers and farmers having to find work elsewhere and I pray that their stressful situation does not lead them to desperate actions. My objective self feels that reason and the will of God can prevail. But the debate goes even

deeper and darker than this. Here I am ruled by a cofusion of images, treacherous and potent. The rational animal which I thought was me retreats before a much fiercer beast. Feelings take over from thoughts. My dismay at the Broadcasting Corporation of NZ withdrawing financial support of the Aotearoa Broadcasting System for the bid for the third TV channel. Pictures of further racial tensions for my grandchildren emerge as they battle against the vestiges of paternalistic racial prejudice. I furtively ask why can't the majority blacks in South Africa do something about their situation, even if it means a revolution? Why does the Government take so long in deciding over the homosexual bill, when it involves so few as against a far more pressingand urgent need of doing something for the unemployed? Anyhow, why can't we stick with the devil that we do know even if it is in the name of Dunn Mihaka, who

is honest and courageous enough in expressing his thoughts and feelings — brown and bare though it may be! We mean so well and we do so badly. St Raul puts it, "Instead of doing the good things I want to do - I carry out the things I don't want." Too often my public front is not my private self. Too often the words on my lips don't come from my heart of hearts. This is my dark side. With despair all around. I feel like some sort of sick joke. I want to cry. 1 want to finish life. Come on death, come on Second Coming. Take me away from this world of ambivalence, from this world of blindnesss, from this world of confusion and unwilingness to change. And yet, there is a part of me which says, "Hey! Lord. I do believe, help me when I doubt. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven, where one presumes there is no ambiguity and bigotry."

Padre

Melbourne

Waiouru