FUN AND FANCY.

Wairoa Bell, Volume 5, Issue 371, 13 November 1896, Page 6

FUN AND FANCY.

It was his first visit to the City. As he stood on Jhe kerbstone shaking his sides with laughter, he was accosted by : ‘What’s the fun stranger?’ ‘ Fun 1 Can’t you see it? Just look how that thing (pointing to a watering cart) leaks 1 Why, the fool won’t have a drop left when he gets homo ’ A husband agreed to give his wife £3 a week to remain in comparative silence, deducting a Id, for each superfluous word she uttered. She now owes him nearly enough to pay the National Debt, ‘ Can I get anything on this watch V asked the society burglar, as be presented a stolen chronometer at the sign of the Three Balls. ‘ About four years, I should think,’ replied the detective who had been waiting for the missing goods to turn up. ‘ I thought, Count, that you were a dead shot 1' ‘I am.’ 4 And yet, though you said you would shoot your adversary through the heart, you hit him in the foot.’ 4 lt was an error of judgment. I thought his heart was in his boots ; it turned out to be in his mouth.’ Mrs Grumps . 4 Did you advertise for poor, dear little Fido ? ’ Mr Grumps : ‘Yes.’ ‘ Did you give a fu 1 description of him ? ’ * Yes.’ • And did yon say our address was ©n his silver collar ? ’ * Yes.’ ‘ And did you offeri a reward ? ’ 4 Yes.’ ‘ What did you offer ? ’ ‘I said if thrfinder would return the collar he mighit kqep the dog.’ A judge, in sentencing a prisoner,, said£: ‘Do you know that lor these repeated breaches of the law it is in my power to sentence yon to a term of penal servitude far exceeding your natural life ? * Two farmers went to law over a basket of apples. The case has been tried five times, at an estimated cost to the litigants of £ISOO, and they are still at it. The lawyers already have a mortgage on both farms’ Do not be afraid to t push your way in the world. The richest man in the world was born without a penny in his pocket ‘ We find that he came to his death, from trying to cut out Joe Willett in courting Susie Jackson,’ was the erdicfe of a coroner’s jury in Arkansas, Young Hopeful : ‘ I had a fight ▼•safer—day with the boy next door.’ Father ; « Yes, his father called at my office to-hsy about it.’ Young Hopeful ;* I hope yon came off as well as I did.’ 4 It is very kind of you, madam,’ said the tramp, ‘to give me such a fine dihner.’ 4 Don’t mention it, poor man,’ said the kindly-hearted woman. ‘ But I will repay you,’ said the tramp, gratefully. «I’ll tell all my pals that you are a flinty-hearted termagant, that ain’t never known to cook nothin’ decent, so they’ll give your house the go-by, and won’t never bother you.’ A well-known lady, who enjoyed the privilege of the entree at a recent Drawing Room, got hopelessly blocked in the string of carriages of the general company going to the palaeej Putting her head out of the window, she called a policeman aud remonstrated with him : 4 Perhaps you don’t, know who I am ? I am the wife of a Cabinet Minister.’ 4 I am very sorry,, madam,’ was the reply of the imperturbable* minion of the law,’ ‘ 1 u' I could not let yoa pass even if you vc-e h wife of a Wes~ ioj-.ui minister 1 | A farmer who had come : to Londo® fbs- | the first time to see the Agricultural Show, was walking along Oxford street, filling his pipe, when a match—boy came up to him with the usual 4 Lights, sir ?’ The farmer, took a box from the boy, extracted a match,, Ut his pipe, and handed the box back to ihe astonished lad, passing on wiiii ihe re--mark : ‘Lor, what a wunnerfufplace Lumnon is, to be sure !’