MISCELLANEOUS.

Wairoa Bell, Volume V, Issue 227, 8 December 1893, Page 4

MISCELLANEOUS.

Reproach is usually honest, which is more than can be said of praise. He who neglects the present moment throws away all that he has. Said Paddleford to his wife, on the way back from the museum ; 4 I am firmly convinced that women have an innate, natural, constitutional love of the horrible.’ 4 Good thing tor you ! ’ she retorted, 4 or you might have been a bachelor to your dying day/ An Irishman had accepted a challenge, and was about to fight a duel. Just before the distances were paced off, he insisted that owing to his near sightedness he should be permitted to stand six paces nearer to his antagonist than the latter did to him, and that they should both fire at the same time. He was a liungry-looking tramp, but not great at 4 sweetness and light,’ and still less great at steady work. He pleaded that he wanted something to eat, and the village publican very kindly handed him an axe, pointed to a heap of wood, and invited him first to take a goop big chop. 4 We all owe something to our country,’ said the Britou who went abroad without having paid his income tax. Jack : 4 Once more, Molly, will you marry me ? ’ Village Belle ’ 4 For the thirteenth time this hour, I tell you 1 will not.’ Jack : 4 Well, thirteen ‘knots’ an hour ain’t bad sailin’ for a little craft like you/ Diner at a fashionable restaurant calling the waiter’s attention to his plate : * What do you call this stuff?’ Waiter: 4 That sir ; that’s bean soup/ Diner : 4 Well, I don’t want to know what it has been, but what it is now/

The average age of which men marry is 27’7 years, while the average age at which women marry is 25 years.

There was a swimming competition at Brighton when sih.yv lay on the beach. Twenty five members of a local sw’mming club bathe all through the winter, and one actually claims that the practice has cured him of rheumatism. ? The young man who boasled that he cculd marry any girl he pleased found that he could not please any. Our ancestors, the monkeys, couldn’t have been so ignorant, after all, They were all educated iu the higher branches A Scotch minister who was fam d for his dryness in the pulpit, called on one of his aged parisboners, and as usual partook of a cup of tea. He remarked to the guidwife that her teapot ran ve y slowly. 4 Deed, ay,’ quoth the gnidwife ; 4 it’s like yersel. It has an unco’ bad delivery/ A poor gardener who wanted to know the best way to start a little nursery was advised to get married. * What do you do for your living ? ’ asked a farmer of a sturdy vagabond who came begging at his house. 4 Well, nothing much, except travelling round,’ said the fellow, 4 l T ou look as though you are good at that,’ responded the farmer. ‘ Well, yes, I am pretty good at travelling.’ 4 Then/ said the farmer, opening the door. ‘ let’s see you travel/ A Herculean Yankee, from the lumber districts of Maine, on paying his bill in a London restaurant, was informed that the amount paid didn’t include the waiter. 4 Wal/ he roared, 4 wlint ef I don’t ! I didn’t eat any waiter, did I? ’ And he glared at the attendant so ferociously that they precipitately left him to go Ins way in peace. First young man : 4 Well, did you make the acquaintance of that strange girl you were raving over ? Second ditto; ‘Yes, followed her heme/ First young man: • How did she strike you ? ’ Second ditto: 4 She didn’t strike me at all ; she got her big brother to do it,’