MISCELLANEOUS.

Wairoa Bell, Volume V, Issue 226, 1 December 1893, Page 4

MISCELLANEOUS.

A shrewd old lady cautioned her married daughter against worrying her husband too much, and concluded by saying, ‘My child, a man is like an egg. Kept in hot water a little while, he may boil soft; but keep him there too long and he hardens. ’

When an idler enters the sanctum of a busy editor, and the editor says, ‘ Glad to see you’re back,’ what does he mean ?

‘ These apples are not fit for a hog to eat, said a kid-gloved dandy to an apple woman. ‘ You jest try one and see,’ she retorted.

Doctor : 4 Good morning, Mr Lover ! What can Ido for you ? ’ Ms Lover ‘ I —I called, sir, to—-to ask for the hand of —of your daughter,’ 4 Humph 1 Appetite good?’ "Not very,’ ‘ How is ycur pulse ? ’ 1 Verv rapid when—when lam with her. Very feeble when away,’ ‘troubled witu palpitation?’ ‘Awfully, when I thfnk of her.’ ‘ Take my daughter. You’ll soon he cured. One guinea, please ’ 4 James, dear, I’m sure there is a burglar in tie house, I hear a noise in the pantry. Perhaps lie is at my pies.’ 4 Do you think so, darling? Well, let him alone. I will call the city undertaker in the morning.’

A little girl at Milpitas drank a joint of coal oil. The doctors thought she would die, until one of them hit an a happy expedient. They slipped a yard of .candlewick down into the oil, lit the upper end, and during the evening she ligated the room nicely and then went to bed all right. They were too heavy,—She (reading the paper)—‘Another cyclone out west! It has swept dozens of farms clear of everything.’ He.— 4 111 bet the mortgages didn’t budge an inch ’ 4 Heroine ’ is perhaps as peculiar a word as any in our languages The first two letters of it .are male, the three first female, the four first a brave man, and the whole word a brave woman, ‘ The greatest, source of weakness to every nation under heaven,’ said a philosopher. 4 comes from the fact that its women have so little to do and so much to say,’ 4 1 am sober and steady. I was ten years in the last place and fiye in the one before that,’ 4 But where was the last place you worked ?’ 4 ln the State’s Prison ' Curious Idiosyneracy.— A dear old aldermanic friend of ours (who is as full of kindliness as he is of prosperity, and as deficient of 4 side ’ as he is of hs), though an inveterate smoker, cannot manage a cigar, but sticks to the pipe of his early, struggling days. He says if the tries to smoke a cigar he always makes a ’ash of it. A strap is sometimes a very good thing to sharpen razors'and dull boys. Why is a badly conducted lintel like a fiddle?—Because it is a vile inn, Why shouldn’t women be physicians, since ail {factors are fee males ?

WhSD is a young lady like a poacher ?—- When she hag feer hair in a net. Who was the first woman ?—Adam, because he was the first made (maid).