TILL WANDERER.

Wairoa Bell, Volume V, Issue 203, 23 June 1893, Page 4

TILL WANDERER .

The Licensing Act, I believe, stipulates that in all licensed houses of two orjmore storeysjrope fire escapes shall be fixed at all windows. In some districts down South the committees have very rightly refused to grant licenses till this part of the Act had been complied with, and I know of more than one instance where lives were saved by means of these escapes. On the Wairoa where lhe hotels are large wooden buildings this particular clause in the Act appears to be entirely ignored. Is it because the lives of travellers on the Wairoa are not worth saving p Or is it because the licensing committees have neglected to do their duty in the matter? * * * I was engaged in rather a warm argument with an Irish friend the other day, the subject being poetry. My friend finding he was gettiug somewhat the worst of it suddenly turned on me with the exclamation, Well, now ! thayre’s one thing ye can’t gainsay and that’s the greatest musician avthe day is an Oirishman. HowJJdo you make that out, I queried ? Arrah ! Can’t ye tell it by his name, isn’t he called Paddy Rerrski Spure ! Had ! * * How astonished I was to find on my return from the North that a number of the fair dames up Ihe line were in a perfectly delighted simmer of excitement over the fact that one of their number had made a discovery that a certain individual whom they had always believed to be a single man was in reality a benedict. Oh, it was too shockingly shocking ! but it must be true for Mrs had discovered it herself, but to lcoep such a terrible secret was not to be thought of ; to have attempted that would have been sufficient to have caused her to, what is vulgarly termed, 1 bust ’ so away she goes to Mrs so-and-so and to 'her imparts the startling information. Having thus relieved herself this delightfully sweet little 1 fat, fair and forty retailer of tucker and scandal ’ trots off home, perfectly satisfied in her own narrow mind that she had accomplished a great mission. But A\hat about the unfortunate Mrs so-and-sc, will she try and keep this awful secret ? Not a bit of it ! neither does she intend to do so, for off she goes to another Mrs so and-so and acquaints her with it, and she like a good and dutiful wife tells it to her husband, while he like a good and sensible man hands it over to) the Wanderer, who like a better and still more sensible fellow at once decides upon making full enquiries and then give the readers of the Beu the benefit of all the information. Starting off with a fixed determination to ‘ do or die ’ I managed to ferret out the right man. But what do I discover ? Oh, horror of horrors i this man is not married, he never has been married and now most solemnly swears and declares that he’ll take precious g’ood care that he never will get married, and which declaration he follows up by vehemently exclaiming, drat the women ! for of a surety their unruly members are an abomination unto a man, for verily they wag the tongue of the mischief maker and woe cometh upon the man who hath speech with them. Now here’s a pretty go ! What’s to be done in the matter ? I pass. For of these hatchers of mischief We’ve now had a taste, Of the ‘ Wanderer’s * time They caused a great waste, For this man, though ho tarried, Will not now get married, For he vows that he’d sooner be hung. But what about Mrs Fair, fat and forty P I think that after she has read the ‘ Wanderer’s ’ opinion of her, we may safely leave her to the twists, twitches and pangs of her own conscience. # * *

Ihe following sweet little thing reached me recently. The members of the Roman Catholic denomination in a certain rural village on the Wairoa river desired to build a church and applied to a certain old landlord for a site whereon to erect the building. But oh ! what a glorious reception they got, for he simply grinned at them in derision at the same time wished them and their church to such a confoundedly hot and uncomfortable place that should the ‘Wanderer’ ever by any chance get popped in there he’d take precious good care to be constantly on the look out for and take advantage of the first opportunity to hop out again. Now the idea of calling this party an old tactician,(it’s absurd ! there was a splendid opportunity of throwing an electioneering sop and yet he failed to take advantage of it. I haven’t common patience with such a man. The. other day in speaking of the Austrian plague Bung Cork informed a frietid of mine that recently four or five of these people had stayed at his house for three or four days and during that time ‘ had spent over forty pounds.’ Great heavens ! What an admission ! What a vise the Government to get hold of these idiots as quickly as possible and bundle them out of the colony for it is undoubtedly bad enough to have to put up with these pests ou the gumfields without having to make provision for them in the lunatic asylums. * * # Now, just make a note of Mr Bung’s admission, study it carefully, weigh and measure it correctly and is it any wonder that some people cun drop their fivers into the collection plate. Yet I would have you be careful Bung, for all the fivers in the world will not get away from the hard and fust fact that the way of the transgressor is hard. # * # For some time past we have had from certain quarters an immense amount of writing about the Austrians on our gumfields, the writer of the articles insinuating in a most pointed manner that a certain firm in a large way of business on the Wairoa had deliberately brought these aliens from other parts and dumped them down upon the fields. This caused me to make many enquiries into this matter while on my wanderings. I have came to the conclusion that a cruel injustice has been done this firm. I’ll have more to say about this in my next notes.