Miscellaneous

Wairoa Bell, Volume V, Issue 178, 30 December 1892, Page 7

Miscellaneous

Conversation overheard on the beach between two children who were playing oil the sand together. The small boy said to the little girl : — £ Do you wish to he my little wife ? ’ The little girl, after reflecting :— £ Yes.’ The small boy : ‘ Then take off my boots ! ’

Weeping widow : £ You are sure, Mr Boneplanter, that you will conduct everything in a satisfactory manner 1 ’ Eminent Undertaker : ‘ Have no fear on that score, I beg of you, Mrs Billhope. Of all the people I have bnried in my long and successful career, I am proud to say that not one ever raised the slightest objection to my work.’

Doctor : 1 I believe you have some kind of poison in your system,’ Patient : ‘ I shouldn’t wonder. "What was that last stuff you g’ave me ? ’

Manager : ‘ What ? Are you actually smiling in the death scene ? ’ Actor: ‘ Certainly ! With the wages yon pay us, death comes as a happy release, There was a ball the other evening l at one of the mansions in a West-End square. Just before it wound up about a dozen cabs were drawn up at the front door. By accident the night was fine ; and one of the drivers, who had spoken to the footman came back to his fellows and told them tha all the guests lived in the neighbourhood, and that there was little chance of their being wanted. One of the drivers, however, was equal to the emergency. He borrowed a couple of umbrellas and asked the footman to get him a pail of water for his horse. The water was brought, and -just as the guests were coming out cabby poured the water over the pavement and on the top of the two umbrellas. The ladies, believing it to be raining, called for cabs at any price ; and it was only after they got inside that the trick was found out.

Trembling Youth t ‘ Madam, 1 love you to distraction ; will you be my wife ?’ Gh’l of the Future: £ You may leave your references and call again.’ A contemporary starts the query : ‘ Why do shoes squeak ?’ Probably for the same reason that opera singers do, because of the music in their soles.

‘ Are those people really grown up?’ asked a little girl whose mothet had taken her to see the dwarfs. ‘ Yes, dear, but their mamas fed them ou condensed milk, 5 Having occasion to be passing the docks one day, I heard the boss say to an Irishman who was carrying pitwcod, ‘ I say, Pat, you’ve got that's lick on the wrong shoulder.’ ‘ I know that d—d fine,’ replied Pat; l it should have been on yours.’

Teacher of Bible class —‘ And now can any little boy tell me why Joseph was put into the pit ? ’ Brilliant Small Boy (who has been to theatre)--—* Please, mum, may be the gallery was full.’