Miscellaneous.

Wairoa Bell, Volume IV, Issue 158, 12 August 1892, Page 8

Miscellaneous.

Why should a perfumer be a good editor? —Because he is accustomed to make 4 elegant extracts,’ "What is the colour of a grass plot covered with snow ?—lnvisible green. It is not right, but the man with the least mind has the greatest trouble in making it up, Can a man’s pocket be empty when he’s got something in it ?—Yes, when he fhas a Oig hole in it. It has been said that fowls uic economical things farmers can keep, because for every grain they give a peck. Why is anything reconsidered accounted 4 profitable ? ’ —Because it is considered a—gain. A Californian philosopher extracted from a schoolboy the following reply to the query, 4 How is the earth divided, my lad ?’ 4 By earthquakes, sir.’ Two Quaker girls were ironing on the same table, One asked the other what side she would take, the right or left. She answered promptly, 4 It will be right for me to take the left, and then'it will be left for thee to take the right.’ 4 I would marry yon,’ said a lady to an impulsive lover, 4 were it not for three reasons,’ 4 Oh, tell me,’ he said imploringly, 4 what they are that I may remove them.’ 4 The first is,’ she said, ‘I don’t love you ; the second is, I don’t want to love you ; and the third is, I couldn’t love you if I wanted to,’

On one occasion a trimmer belonging to the Tyne went to a night school. ‘ Can you read ? ’ asked the master. 4 Aye, clivor,’ answered the trimmer, confidently. Bringing him a book, the master asked if he could read that, but it proved too hard; also did two others of easier type. He then brought the alphabet card. The trimmer stood before it for a few minutes, scratching his head, and then exclaimed, 4 Smash, man, aw knaw them aw’ bi eye seet, but aw’ve furgettin’ t-lior nyems ! ’ Josh Billings says that 4 if a man proposes to serve the Lord, he likes to see him do it when lie measures corn as well as when he hollers glory hallaluyer.’

A lady who had her front teeth 'filled, was 4 mortified before company,’ one day, by her little niece, who, ou seeing the gold filling shining as the lady smiled, gravely remarked, 4 Aunt Mary, I wish I had cop-per-toed teeth like yours.’ A man who had filled a petition for divorce was informed by his counsel that his wife had filed a 4 cross-petition,’ as lawyers call it. 4 A cross-petition ! ’ exclaimed the husband, 4 that’s just like her. She never did a good-natured thing in her life. Lord Brougham, proverbial for his gallantry to the fair sex, was pleadiucr in a jury case before the late L,

client, happening to be a female, uu fender in the action of the name of Tickler, he commenced his speech in the following humorous strain :— 4 Tickler, my client, the defendant, my lord,’ The audience, amazed with the oddity of the speech, were almost drawn into hysterics of laughter by the judge replying— 4 Tickle her yourself, Harry, you’re better able to do’t than I am.’ In the neighbourhood of Burley the other da} r (says the Leeds Evening Post) a gentleman, looking over a wall, saw a dead hen in the field. Presently a rat ran up, sniffed at the defunct fowl with much satisfaction, and went away in some haste. The onlooker, who is a student of natural history, knew what that meant, and removed the lien from the spot. In a minute or two the rat came back with half-a-dozen friend*, with the evident intention of removing the carcass for future use, Arrived at the spot where the fowl had lain, the rat raised a loud squeak of astonishment at its absence. In a trice they all fell upon him so savagely that they left him dead on the field as a warning not to play practical jokes with his friends.