Miscellaneous.

Wairoa Bell, Volume IV, Issue 156, 29 July 1892, Page 6

Miscellaneous.

A eall to arms : A cry from the cradle, Fever kiss and tell ; you may ‘ print ’ a chaste salute but don’t 4 publish ’ it. Sale effected—Lady Customer (timidly) 4 Oh, I should like to look at some false hair, please.’ Smart Shopman : 4 Yes, madam. What colour does your friend want ? ’ Sold Again ! —Shop assistant : 4 Ther e you are my little man, sixpenny worth of treacle. Now, where’s your money ? ’ Boy : 4 At bottom o’ t’ jug ! ’ The Musical Maniac 4 Oh say not that my love is base— That trouble may ensue In tenor twenty years, but grace Affection alto true. 4 Then trio try to answer yes,’ He whisocred her solo, 4 Oh. duet dearest, and confess The love that blushes show.’ The dimpled hand fell by her side : He quartet in his own ; lie pressed it to his lips and cried, ‘ I’ve major minor lone.’ A recipe for making soup.—Take a pail of water and wash it clean, then boil it till it is brown on both sides ; pour in one bean; when the bean begins to worry prepare to simmer. If soup won’t simmer it’s too rich ; pour in more water ; dry the water with a towel before you put it in ; the drier the water the sooner it browns. Serve hot. 1 An assignee advertises for sale 4 a large lot of bankrupt pianos and organs.’ Who would want a" piano or organ whose notes were not good,’ What is the difference between an uncleanly servant and a chicken ?—One is a foul domestic and tiie other is a domestic fowl. When a young lady offers to hern a cambric handkerchief for a rich bachelor, she means to sow in order that she may reap. A man in Chicago has got so deep into debt that not one of his creditors has been nble to see him for months. The saying 4 excuse haste and a bad pen I has been attributed to a pig who ran away j from home, [

! When is a candle like a tombstone ? ; When it is put up for a late husband. Why is life the greatest riddle ? Because ail must give it up. A bashful young man, while out driving with the dearest girl in the world, the other day r nad to get out and buckle the crupper, and hesitatingly explained that the animal’s bustle had come loose.’ 4 Habit ’is hard to overcome. If you take oft tlie first letter it does not change 4 a bit.’ IE you take off another you still have a 4 bit ’ left. If you take off still another, the whole of 4 it ’ remains. If you take off another it is not 4 1 ’ totally used up. All of which goes to show that it'you. wish to he rid of a 4 habit’ you must throw it off altogether. Deliberate workers are those who accomplish the most work in a given time, and are less tired at the end of the day tnau many who have not accomplished half as much ; the hurried worker has often to do his work twice over, and even then it is seldom done in the best manner, either as to neatness or durability. It is the deliberate and measured expenditure of strength which invigorates the constitution and builds up the health, A witness spoke of a particular person as having seen him 4 partially clad.’ ‘ Was he not quite nude ?’ asked the examining counsel. 4 No, sir,’ was the reply, •he always wore a pair of suectacles.’ An eccentric old gentleman being waited upon with his surgeon’s bill, cogitated some time upon its contents, and desired the man who called with it to tell his master that the medicine he would certainly pay for : but as for the visits he had received he should return them. A beautiful girl stepped into an American store, and asked the price of a pair of gloves. W by,’ said a gallant but impudent clerk, 4 you may have them for a kiss.’ Agreed,’ said the young lady, pocketing the gloves, and her eyes speaking daggers, 4 agreed ; and, as I see you give credit, you may charge in your books, and collect iu the best way you can.” A baby show is proposed down east to aid a local newspaper. The editor thinks that if he does not raise the wind by exhibition he is pretty sure to raise a squall.. An undertaker in a toivn in Vermont having abandoned his undertaking for the 3hoe business, invites the custom of his old patrons. 4 Handsome is that handsome does,’ quoted a Chicago man to his wife the other day ‘ Yes,’ rejoined she, in a whining tone, as she he’d out her hand ; 4 for instance, a man that is always ready to hand some money to his wife,’ Every day we see young ladies flirting their (ambries to young men who are on the street. We have also been satisfied that these 4 flirtings ’ meant something, and in an exchange we find the' following solution to the mystery, and -publish it, that those living in ignorance may be thoroughly booked up and able to read the [ signs thus given : Drawing across the lips —-desirous of getting acquainted; drawing across the eves—l am sorry ; dropping—. wo will te friends ; twirling in both hands —indiffi renee ; drawing across the cheek I love you ; drawing through the hands— I hate you ; letting it rest on the right cheek—yes : letting it rest on the left cheek —no ; twirling in left- hand—l wish to get rid of you ; twirling in right hand, I love another folding it—l wish to speak with you ; over the shoulder-follow me • opposite corners in both hands—wait for me ; drawing across the forehead—you have changed ; placing it on the right ear—l have a message for you; letting it remain on the eyes—you are cruel; winding round the fore finger—l am engaged ; winding round the third finger—l am married. As the summer comes on the farmer will find mower work to do, If you want to furnish, the heat house to go to is Gfarlick and Oran well’s of Auckland, They furnish a three roomed house for £l7 10s, a four roomed house for £3B, a five roomed house for £BO, a six roomed house for £150.. In addition to furniture ; bed linen, blankets/ curtains, table cloths, towels, fender and irons and floor coverings, are supplied for the above, for net cash They are large importers of American and Austrian bent wood chairs, iron bedsteads and manufacturers of all other kinds of furniture. They import direct from the manufacturers, carpets, linoleum, mattings, Manchester goods and general furnishings. You can get all you want in your home at the most reasonable prices, and can depend on having it well packed, Bedding of all kinds kept ready for "Wire wove mattresses made to any size by GarlicX and Cranwell, Queen-Street Auckland j Advt