Miscellaneous.

Wairoa Bell, Volume IV, Issue 147, 27 May 1892, Page 6

Miscellaneous.

Why is a great crowd like the ‘ Wairoa Bell ’ newspaper ?—Because it demonstrates the power of the press. Why is a public house like the land of shadows ?—Because it is the abiding place of spirits. The Proper Instrument for Flooring a Gfhost.—A,spirit-level The mystery solved.—When Adam got tired of naming his numerous descendants, he said. ‘ Let all the rest be called Smith.’ When two girls meet,, they kiss. When two men meet, they don’t. That shows .who most want to be kissed. The learned like to appear wise, and to bo called so. Let profound knowledge make you fear, rather than feel self-exalted. Do not assume great knowledge, but rather confess your ignorance. If you wish to profit by good books, do not question their data, but ‘read’ with humility, * mark ’ with deference, and ‘ inwardly digest’ at leisure. Wits, like drunken men with swords, are apt to draw their steel upon their best acquaintances. A Detroiter, who took a flask of whisky with him on a shooting trip, struck a racecourse in the suburbs on his return, and walked around it all night, wondering why lie didn’t get to town. A Yankee philosopher says : “ Sum marry because they think the wircmin will be scarce next year, and live to wonder how the crop holds out,” Boarding-house mistress, like the rest of us, has her weak and strong points,the weak point being her coffee and her strong point the butter. “ I stand upon the soil of freedom, ’’said a stump orator. “ No, ” exclaimed his shoemaker, “ you stand in a pair of boots that have never been paid for.’ An Indiana girl wanted to see if her lover really loved her, and she got a boy to yell ‘ Mad. dog ! ’ as they were walking out. The lover flew over a fence and left her to be chawed up, ‘ Now then, my hearties,’ said a gallant Yankee captain, seeing that his men were likely to be outnumbered, ’you have a tough battle before you. Fight like heroes till your powder’s gone ; then —run ! I’m a little lame, and I’ll start now.’ A Miss Stewart of Hamilton, Ontario, lias recovered 700 dols. damages from a lover, who forsook her after an engagement of .26 years. A little over half a dollar a month, which is cheap courting, as he always took tea and supper with her.

Jeannie,’ said a Scotchman to his daughter, who was asking consent to accompany her urgent amd favourite suitor to the altar ; ‘ Jeannie, it’s a very solemn thing to get married.’ ‘ I know it, father,’ replied the sensible damsel, ‘ but it’s a great deal solemner not to,’ A gallant was lately, sitting beside his beloved, and being unable to think of anything else to say, asked her why she was like a tailor. ‘ I donfc know, ’ said she, with a pouting lip, ‘ unless it’s because I’m sitting beside a goose. ’ ‘ What are you in gaol for?’ asked a prison visitor of a negro in a New Orleans gaol. ‘ For bor’win money, sail !’ Why they don’t put men in gaol for borrowing money !’ ‘ Yes, hut I had to knock de man down t’ree or four times afore he’d lend it to me.’

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