THE RETORT EFFECTIVE.

Wairarapa Age, Volume XXXII, Issue 981, 26 February 1910, Page 4

THE RETORT EFFECTIVE.

There are many goad electioneering stories in recent E iglish papers. It is many years sinte a noble lord, asked if he would vote for a reduction of the tax on rewspapers, replied: "No, but I'll tell vou what I'll do. I'll vote to take the ux off soap, and let you dirty devils get your faces washed." Other times, ather manners; the candidate to-day may sometimes feel very much inclined to make such a reply as this, but he keeps his temper in check. Fortunate is he who can get the better of a heckler with a sharp retort: for if he cannot, the heckler may ruin his meeting. The gentle art of heckling has been raised at Home to a point far above colonial efforts. A well-planted shot may set the audience' in a roar of laughter fatal to the success of the speech, or 1 may reverberate round the constituency until polling dav, to the discomfiture of the candidate. Some of the recorded replies to hecklers are masterpieces. "Does your mother know you're out?" provoked the reply, "Yes, and she knows I'll be in to-morrow." The rep)y may seem obvious, but how many candidates would think of it on the spur of the moment? Cleverer was the retort of the Marquis of Tullibardine in East Perthshire, in 1906. "Seeing that the Unionist ship is sinking with all hands, what would you do if elected?" was the question. Like a flash came the answer, "I am prefectly content to sit on the tup of the mast till the tide turns." The Marquis was defeated, but the flowing tide carried him to Westminster last month. Equally effective was the reply of a Justice of the Peace who sought Parliamentary honours. "Git yer 'air cut, Charlie," called out one of the audience. "My friend," said the candidate, fixiug his interrupter with a stony glare, "if I am not mistaken I have been the means of having your hair cut before to-day." Some acquaintance with the Turf is useful to a candidate and a candidate's helpers. To a parson who at a meeting demanded a tip for the Great Yorkshire Handicap, the late Mr James Lowther promptly gave a "double"—the candidate, for the seat, and his (Mr Lowther's) horse for the race. Both tips "came off." "I wouldn't give you a vote if you were the Angel Gabriel," cried a Unionist at a Liberal meeting. "If I was the Angel Gabriel, you wouldn't be on the register," carue the crushing reply. Such powers of repartee are a gift, and the man best with them has a considerable advantage in an election campaign.