WILL JEFFRIES FIGHT?

Wairarapa Age, Volume XXXII, Issue 9533, 3 July 1909, Page 3

WILL JEFFRIES FIGHT?

MR DOOLEY ON "THE RING." (Judging by the American papers, the great national aspiration is for James Jeffries to emerge from his retirement, and, as the representative of the white race, to defeat Johnson, the coloured pugilist. Mr Dooley discusses the matter.) "Well, Hinnissy," said Mr Dooley "what ar-re ye'er views on th great question now bsfure th' American Dtople?" » "What d'ye mean?" _ asked M, Hennessey. "Th' tariff?" "Th' tariff!" cried Mr Dooley. "Th' tariff isn't befure th' American people. Thira that th' tariff takes care iv will take care iv the tariff. No, sir, ye don't annything in the pa-apers about th' tariff. It may be there, but ye don't see it. The on'y burr.in' question to-day is will Jeffries, th' foremost American, emerge fr'm his retirement an' restore th' supreemacy iv th' white race, or will he lave th' lorls rest on th' brow iv th' Sinnygambyan an' let th' Cowcasyan sink slowly back onti! we become again hewers iv wood an' dhrawers iv wather an' chambermaids iv Pullman sleepin - ears? "No wondher th' eounthry is aggytated. Business waits on th' decisiou. There can be no return ot prosperity till it is settled wan way or th' other. In ivry place whtre men gather th' great issue is discussed. All petty factional diff'rences are f'rgot in th' fave iv this appalling disaster, not to a nation but to a race. A pettyshun signed be such inflooinchal names as W ilium Haitch Taft, Charles Eliot, Mary Baker Eddy, Ardhrew Carnaygie, an' Hinnery Cabin Lodge has been sint to th' Greatest American askin' him f'r th' honour iv civilisation to abandon th' comfort iv private life an' destroy th' coon. "Yes, sir, th' great heart iv th' nation is torn be anxiety. Town at Dock O'Leary's office last night, afther him an' Father Kelly had had their usual wan-round preliminary over th' modhernist movement, th Great Issue come up. 'Prizefightin',' said Dock O'Leary, 'is a degrading' an' dangerous spoort, an' shu'd be suppressed ontil we are sure Jeffries can take off th' nicissry weight an' be sthrong enough to knoc th' naygur's chimney off,' says he. 'I think or.'y iv th' deplorable moral aspect iv it,' said Father Kelly. 'But I'll bet—l mean to say, I feel assured, be what I have accidentally read in th' pa-aper—that th' blackamoor cudden't get through th' big fellow's guard with a 'mac-hine-gun,' says he. 'Gintlemen, says I, 'anny news iv th' tariff?' says I. 'What tariff?' says' th' dock. 'I must be going,' sayd Father Kelly. An' l there ye are. "All I can say to me fellowcounthrymen in this gr-reat crisis is to be ca'm an' patient. We can do no better than to follow th' example iv our illusthrees leader. Like Wash'nton, at Valley Forge, cr Lincoln afther Bull's Run, he is melancholy, but ca'm. He knows, none betther, th' extint iv th' calamity that has befell th' racQ iv which, he is th' reprisintative with th' wallop. Th' cry iv millions has reached his ears, an' Care, th' j handmaiden iv Responsibility, has creased his pale an' thoughtful face. llt is rot niciss'ry as yet f'r th' i Priskiint to proclaim a day iv gin'ral humilyalion. Let us go soberly about our daily ;jooties, thrustin' to the' destiny that has guided th' '"hite race so long. An' above all, le us imitate th' example iv our peerless leader, James J. Jeffries, an' highy resolve not to fight John Johnsoii ontil we are ready. I, f'r wan. Hinnessy, will do my part." "'Tis a brutal spoort, prize-fight-in'," said Mr Hennessy. "Well," said Mr Dooley, "there ain't anything very ennoblin' to th' spectator in anny form iv human employmint. Sure th' prize-fi..hter's life looks to be a fairly happy wan. If he's anny good at all he don't figh more than wanst a month, an' thin half th' time he don't fight. In the old days 'twas diff'renfc. Thin a prize-fisjhter had to wurrk f'r a livin', an' a poor livin' it was. He was called Jem: he was palhrunizer] by a jook, an' he wint into th' ring iv a Choosdah mornin' an' niver come out till Saturdah night. He went with nawthing' on his hands, an' whin he got through th' on'y way ye cud tell he had a face at all was he observing' that it was opposite to th' back iv his head. Li his declinin' years he kept a tavern that t.h' jook give him. They were th' gr-reat boys in thim days. 'An', be hivens, I too, Hinnesay, I too, as Hogan says, have lived among joynts. Think iv this grand old heroes iv our time— that fought Johnny Heenan with a broken arm all through an afternoon, an' Jim Mace, th 1 Gipsy, an' Tom Allen, an' John Morrissey, tbat was a turror in his day. but didn't keep in good condition, an' become a Congressman. An' thin, th' best iv thim all, Jawn L. Sullivan. That great warryor is with us still, I'm glad to say. There was a figher, Hinnessy. He didn't care who he licked. He licked ivirybody, fr'm th' barber that shaved him th' wrong way to th' Oregon Joynt, that slew oxen with wan punch. Ye niver heerd iv Jawn L. wonderin' whether he Was in condition or how much money there was in it. He niver was in condition or out iv it. .His on'y recorded sayin'was, 'Lemme at him.' "In Jawn L. fullivan's day a challenge to a fight with him was followed be a crashing noise, an' that was all there was to it. In thim times tnere was no hard feelin' excipt a desire to slay each other between fighters. Nowadays, he hivens, th' champeens are such inimies that they seldom meet. It . takes as Jong to arrange a fight as it does to get up a European wax - , i First, there is a challenge, thin .a year's engagement skiopin' th' rope an' making' faces at a lookkin'-glass in a variety theatyre; thin th' challenge is accipted an[ th' champeens go on th' road f'r another engagement; thin a number iv our leadin' bankers are called in to fi-nance th" encounter. This takes another year; arrangements thin have to be made f'r th' cinnym ttypraft, an' fin'Uy whin both old gentlemen can no Jongei dhraw aujineces to th' theatyres they'meet, paw cacH 3 other till wan iv thim gets a slap in th' face an' liesjjwn on his back f'r ten seconds an" starts a saloon.

"I know a prize-fighter. I will inthrajooce ye sometime. Ye won't find him hard to talk to. In spite iv his position h 8 is very affable an' has gr reat sympathy with th* workin'-classes. 'D'ye like ye'er profissyon?' says I. 'Well,' says he, polishin' his dimon ring, 'it's betther thin wurrkin' for Armour, he says, 'an' th' remooneration is good. Th' principal trouble I have to find with it is it's too confinin'. Thim variety theaytres are badly ventilated, an' lam otten so faint afther doin' me turn that I can scarcely stagger to me autymobill. An' ye have no idee what us champeens have to suffer ivry year whin called upon to defind our titles. Th' constant posin* for pitchers, th' ceaseless intherviews, th' coorse wranglin' with me opponent about whether I'll knock him out in th' third or th' eighth round, th' utter impossibil ty iv gettin' new bils, an' fin'Uy th' smoke-laden atmosphere iv the arena an' th' the ring surrounded be fat men with pale faces who wud die iv of heart disease if they thried to overtake a sthreet car, an' all the time yellin' f'h me to murder a nice yong fellow that belongs to th' same club as 1 do.' "Aren't ye ashamed to be readin' about prize-fightin' whin there's so manny more important things to be thinkin' about 9 " said Mr Hennessy. "I'll tell ye what I'll do," said Mr Dooley. "I'll bet ye that at this minyit that Willum Haitch Taft can name more ehampeen prizs-fightera than he can vice-prisidints iv th' United States. An I'll lava it to him." —(" Westminster Gazette.")