ODD STORIES.

Wairarapa Age, Volume XXVIX, Issue 8127, 28 April 1906, Page 7

ODD STORIES.

THE LADIES SMILED. A lady at a recent dinner party, Illustrated admirably a point which ah© wished to make in reply to a man who bad just said that "woman are vainer than men." "Of coarse," aaid the lady, "I admit that women are vain and men are not. There are a thousand proofs that this is so. Why, the necktie of the handsomest man in the room Is even now up the back of bis collar." There were six men present, and each of them cut his hand gently behind his neok. Then the ladies smiled. , HER AMENDMENT. Congressman W. Bourko Oockran was narrating, in San Francisco, bla experiences in the Far East. "Bat we made the best of it," he said, of a sampan mishap. "We were like the Gloversville widow." "This woman's husband, a glove finisher died, and so inconsolable was the poor lady that she spent £7OO on a granite shaft, inscribing on tne base thereof:— "My grief is no great that I cannot bear it." "Before the year had passed, bowever, her grief had sufficiently faded to allow her'to marry a young glove stitoner. , "She sent a stonecutter to the cemetery a few days before the wedding, and caused him to add to the inscription ou the Shaft the single word: " 'Alone.' " A SPEEDF RECOVERY. On one of the visits of the American fleet to English waters, Admiral Erben. now retired, was in command, with Captain Alfred T. Maban, the writer on naval affairs, as bis flag-captain. One morning Captain Maban came to his admiral with an invitation to dine with a duke, whioh he bad received.

"I cau't aocept this," said Captain Mahan, "as they forgot to invite yon." ■■ - ; - ••■; "1 should say you couldn't," growled the admiral. "I'll answer for you." Whereupon the admiral wrote: "Admiral Erben, United States Navy, regrets that Captain Mahan, his flag-captain, oannot accept the invitation of the Duke of clank. Captaiu Mahan is on the siok list."

An honr or so later a messenger from iihe duke returned with invitations for the admiral,and the. captain.; Whereupon the admiral wrote again, "Admiral Erben accepts with pleasure the invitation for Captain Mahan and '" himself. He wishes also to advise the Duke of Blank that he has taken Captain' Mahan off the siok list." HIS FLORIST. Public school teachers in Little Italy are constant recipients of presents of various kinds from admiring scholars. The presents vary ail the way from ripe tomatoes to fivedollar bills. When the intrinsic value of the offering,,is beyond a certain limit the teacher usually institutes an inquiry as to its original source. One boy maae frequent gifts of flowers. As lons as they were somewhat faded the teacher aooepted them unquestionably, but ■when Tony appeared on a certain morning with a large bunch of expensive white roses she felt ■ constrained to ask the boy where ha got them. Heaven and earth and the Madonna were called upon to witness that the flowers had been pur- . chased, later that they had been a gift, and Anally that Tony's mother had sent them as a token of her regard. The teacher grew more stern in her demand for particulars in regard to Tony's flowers. There was -a flower-stand in the Bowery, two blocks west, which she feared might /have been looted. "Tony," she persisted "tell me the truth. Did you steal those rosesf Then where did you get them?" "Teacher, gracious lady," wept Tony, at tue end uf his inventive powers, "1 gotta dem from da church on Brooma Street. Da man he no care—be dead." THEIR RESPECTIVE EXA MS. A young lady, home for the holidays from a high school, was in great glee over her sucoess in the recent examination. "Papa," she said, '.'you ought to be very proud of my reports, and to be more than satisfied at my high marks in political economy, fine arts, music, logic, and German." "Sol am," replied the parent, 'and your general success in life seems almost assured. If your future husband can show testimonials from his school in housekeeping, cooking, nursing, mending, and the use of the sewing muuhine, I think you may be very happy yet." TOO EXPENSIVE. A young lany who had never done much in the shopping line went into a poulterer's shop the other day and wanted a pheasant* The man opened bis eyes wide. "Very sorry, mum," he said,"but 1 ain't got no pheasants, and I daren't sell 'em if I had. They're out of season." "Dear me I are they? 1 didn't know they had seasons. There--what can you recommend?" "I've got a beautiful guinea-fowl here, mum." / "Well, I'm sure I don't want that," she protested. "I like •fowls well enough, and I could do with one, but not a guinea one. Mother used to get real beauties fur tbree*aad-six."