THE LAY OF THE BRIDGES.

Wairarapa Age, Volume XXVIII, Issue 7984, 13 March 1906, Page 7

THE LAY OF THE BRIDGES.

(By Juvenal).

The Chamber of Commerce, through its secretary, Mr J. 0. Boddington, requested the County Council to widen the northern approaches to the town, and remedy the defective lighting 'of the Waipnua Bridges. Councillor Toogood stated that the bridges were wide enough if people didn't go lushing about on motors and bioycles.—-News item. i. The Council sat in tfie chairs of state, The usual twenty minutes late, On the usual "second Thursday." It wasn't the day for the bad "small birds," The dim "hypothecated Thirds," Or the noxious thistles' and burrs 1 day. But the Council resolved as a matter of course "To call upon Jones to grub up his gorse; "That this Council purchase a sec-ond-hand horse, "The cheaper the 'prad' the wiser "To spend twelve and six on a oulvert new; ""And chase heavy traffic with paper blue, "With orthodox tape of a crimspn hue, "Prom B-rd, their legal adviser." 11. Then the Clerk uprose with a bulky note, And he cleaned bis specs, and he oleared his throat; But he had to make apology; For he started to read, but stopped, And said he: "I cannot make out this caligraph-ee "We'll take it to Tr-mble, LL.D., "Who's a 'dab' at Egyptology." But W-rren said, "Wait, let's have a try!" And he held the letter both low and high, And he trade it wet and he made it dry, But be couldn't .make out a letter. And M-rris and H-d and Davie G-ld (In Greek, and Hebrew, and Sanscrit skilled) And H-rris, could do no better. 111. So they turned it up. and down, and round, And still were baffled; till KG. found That the beading was printed by W-ddingt-n. When all of a sudden said Morris Joe, ""By the holy smoket 1 know and trow/ "It's the hand of J. C. B-dd-ng-t-n." And there , as plain as the nose on your face, The letter said, "Moore, may it please your Grace; "You are asked to arise from slumber "By Donald the Major, and Daniel 1 0. E., f, Ew-ngt n Charlie, and Cruick-sh-nk J. D., Dolan B. J., and Moodie J. 8., "C-rey and Chennells and Holmes R. T., "Grah-m the grave, snd Ell-tt the gary "Cas-lb-rg, Sumraerell, both 0.K., "With power to add to their number." IV"Who state that the Waipoua bridges twain "Are sources to then? of infinite pain," "By reason of their contraction; "That one day two coaches, expresses or drays '"Pursuing their devious, opposite ways, "Will, just in a *jiff, collide—, bang! biff!! And the County be in for an aotion; "They further swear that the bridges at night "Are destitute quite of decent light, And citizens sadly embarrass. "Of course," saysJ.C., "we know its a boon "To couples who ouddle and flirt and spoon, - , "And neither want candle nor lamp i nor moon." --"Hear, hear," says Councillor Harris. V. Then*all of the Councillors thought with a rush; W-rr-n's went back teethe depths of the bush; Harris to wild Opaki, G-ld's cogitations began to steal To the region of pork and conger eel That's bounded by Whakataki. Ho-d, and M-rris with care were fraught, -As each of tbem sat and thought and thought Ho.w best to his district to do good, But the champion singer who piped his lay * ' The pebble alone on the beaoh that day, Who said the following famous "soy" Was the excellent Councillor Toog-d. RUSHIN' ABOUT. What is the bane of modern life Ruehin' about. 'Cause of the whole of our trouble and strife, Rushin' about. ( Life and war and elections and love, Everything under the sky of Jove, 'Only means beating the other cove At rushin' about. Motor and bike and electric tram, Go rushin' afcrout. Steamer and train and pneumatic pram, All rushin'about; Motor and "Wild Cat" and Wellington tram, Steamer and bike and pneumatic pram. What is the use of the whole of this —well, Rushin'about. When will the Chamber of Commerce cease From rushin' about, 'Giving the County and Borough peace, And no rushin' about; Putting on side, doing tothin' at all, -Keeping our bridges and intellects small, •Letting the country go right to the wall, Through not rushin' about.

L'ENVOI.

In the morgue as dead as the nail' of a door Chinaman John lay flat on the floor, "Killed," says the sergeant, "down at the Waipore." Says Coroner J-mes, "No doubt," To the gentlemen twelve (at four shillings a time) Who gave as their verdict, "John reached the eublime, "By the narrow way and bridge—and why, blime, "By ruehin' about." And the Lansdowne people awoke ere long And quaffed a draught of the liquor . strong That they used ere the suburb was watered; And they lynched four Councillors trusty and true Down in the Park, all looking so blue, but T-g-d they simply slaughtered!"