ALLEGED HUMOUR.

Wairarapa Age, Volume XXVIII, Issue 7983, 10 March 1906, Page 7

ALLEGED HUMOUR.

"ONE SHANK MORE." The writor of "SuaieKocollections of Legal Lumiunriee" tells the following story as- an illustration of tbe wit of ibo late Lord .Robertson. While practising at the Bar na an advocate, Robertson was waited upon one evening, at bis bouse in Drummond Place, by a miner wbo wished to consult bim about obtaining compensation for tbe loss of a limb, caused by a colliery accident. It wa3 after dinner, and Robertson was either uuwilling to be troubled at the time, or he found tbe opportunity of making a joke irresistible, for, eying tbe miner minus bis leg he said '•I see how it is friend; yon have come to the wrong person. If you will step over to Great King Street, which is just at band, you will fln'd there one Shank More that will put you right." Mr Sbank More was a brother advocate also practising at the Bar. CANDID CRITICISM. According to Sir Honry Ha~bins (Baron Branruton) who mentions tbe inoideut in his "Reminiscences" Mr Justice Blackburn was once the subjeot of an amusing piece of criticism od the part of two men whose conversation was overheard as they lay on the grass in a meadow. "Jimmy." said one T "that; there bloke, the Lord Judge, was, rough on our counsellor, woru T t he?" "Yes, mate he was," replied tbe other, "but, mind yer, that bloke knows what's what and what ain't; and he ain't goin' to scrag a man for a bad character, nor let a swell off for a good 'un. I'd sooner be tried before that man than any o' th em mealy-mouthed 'tins, as will give yer seven stretch for not bein' a angel.'' NOT QUITE WHAT HE MEANT. The following story is told concerning tbe late John Clerk, afterwards Lord Eldon, when he was practining as an advocate at the Scottish Bar. Sometimes the famous jurist had a peculiar way of expressing himself, and one day wheu he entered the Court of session I he heara one of the Judges severely reprimanding a young advocate wbo bad sbo'on some temper at the Court's decision in a case be was oonduoting. Clerk felt sorry for his young professional brother, and thought be would intervene on his Behalf. So he said: "My lords I hope you'll exouse me .for putting in a word. 1 trust you'll forgive my young friend for displaying a bit of temper. He is young and inexperienced, and I hope you'll overlook what he has said. I feel sure if he had known your Lordships as long as I have known you he would not be surprised at any decision your Lordships may give." VIRTUE'S REWARD. The angler came back from his day's fishing with only a sunbrowned face to show. "I suppose you caught some big fish, but you gave them all away?" asked bis friends enoouragingly. "No," »aid the sportsman, quickly. "I didn't catoh any at all." "But," they asked, in a kindly effort to give bjm an opening for exouse, "didn't you hook any big fellows that.broke away just as you were about to land them?" "Not a single one," answered the fisherman virtuously. At that there was a sudden obi 11 In the air, as his friends turned their backs on him, muttering: "What new trickery is that man planning now that be is making such an effort to get a reputation for truthfulness? He'll be trying to get us to endorse his promissory note, thinking that we will regard this as proof of his honesty." r A short time rigo there was a famous eating match at a village in Auckland, between two men named Gubbins and Muggins, which caused a great deal of interest in the neighbourhood. A countryman, leaving the place a little before the match was deoided, was stopped by almost every one on the road with, "Who won?" "How does the match go on?" eto., to which be answered: "Why, 1 don't knotf; they say Gubbins 'JI get it; but I think Muggins 'll beat 'im yet. for when I left be was only two geese and a turkey , behind." "What is that old saying about a fool and bis money?' "I forget the words, but'it means they are soon married." A little girl was heard talking to her rabbit. "Five times five" she | said. "Six times six, seven times seven." Between times she shook the i rabbit violently. "Dorothy," said her mother, "what are you doing to your rabbits?' "Well, papa says," replied tbe obild, "that rabbits multiply rapidly, and Bunny won't do it."