OUR LASSES.

Tuapeka Times, Volume VII, Issue 396, 3 October 1874, Page 3

OUR LASSES.

i There is a difficult business to be attended to, and which if not properly settled will tend very much to depreciate the benefit of all the rest — I mean that mysterious piece of youthful life which baffled even the wisdom of Solomon to understand; tho swoethearting business, or, as he termed it, " the way of a man with a maid." The choice of a sweetheart is important, and should not be hastily made ; yet it is just in this essential matter that our lasses fail most grievously. They are too hurried, and disposed to receive tho attentions of the first that falls in their way. Such silly hearts are themselves either trifling coquettes, and fond of being and admired, or afraid lest they should, by-and-by, be entered on the list of the unmarriageable, and have to spend their days in the single blessedness of maidenhood. But let me entreat our young women neither to be afraid nor rash in this important matter. Loolt about you, niabe enquiries, understand fully that you are doing right before taking a decisive step even in courtship, otherwise you may have to sit on the stool of unavailing repentance all your wedded days. Allow me then to set before you a list of would-be-admirers, the whole of whom you should entirely discard and reject. There is, first then, that silly, laughing fellow that indulges in ignorant witticism and senseless banker. He has neither brain nor heart, and will do youjno good either before or after marriage. Reject him at once and forJever. The professed dandy that follows the fashions, swaggers his gold chain, a Jmart cane, and smokes cigars. His coxcomb head is inflated like a balloon, his heart is stuffed with pride, and his fancy is too full of self-conceit to love anyone sincerely. Discard him ; he is a match only for a giddy butterfly like himself. The youth that speaks lightly of the Bible and laughs at religion and religious professors. Beware ; that fellow is infidel at heart, has little character to lo3e, and will be reckless of your character, virtue, and happiness. Reject his advances, or he may ruin you, laugh at you, and forsake you at last, or doom you to a life of wedded misery. Avoid the profane youth that dares to take the name of G-od in vain ; that intersperses his course speeches with unholy oaths and obsceno expressions, or insults your modesty in the slightest degree by word or deed, no is too low for ordinary respect anM forever to be 'avoided by every female that has any sense of decency and virtue, and desires to maintain a character for modesty and respectability. There is another whom it is well to avoid — tho youth that is sneaking and idle in his habits, and lives a mean, begging, dependant life, and is a disgrace to his family and friends. To be sure, the fellow wants a thrifty, industrious wife to work and maintain him in his inglorious independency of stated labor, t-ho must be his slave — not his wife ; his drudge, to do all for him excepting chewing hia food and putting it into his mouth, for he can manage that rather agreeable piece of work for himself, and is sure to select the most delicious tit-bita for numbe* one. Yet, strange to say, some stupid lassie will accept the lazy human animal for a sweetheart, and, in spite of all friendly remonstrance, will become his miserable bond-slave for life. Then there is the inconstant triflor, here, there, and everywhere ; courting a dozen at a timo, yet true to none — like butterflies flying from flowor to flower — like birds hopping from bought to bough — never settled, never sincere, and never to be trusted. Ho is not a lover, for he is too fidgetty and unstable to love. He is not even an admirer, for he wants the whole belles of the parish to admire himself ; very agreeable in manner, fair in exterior, respectable it may be in circumstances, and abundant in smiles, he may attract and please the eyo. But be sure of thia, Ms 'attentions are mere flirtations and hia flirtations and his fulsome talk is but empty sound, for, like a ten shilling watch, he is bright outsido, but untrue and irregular in all his movements. And there is still another of whom to heware — the youth of jealous mind. He is a troublesome and evon a dangerous character. He will vex and torment you with his unreasonable suspicions. He will seem as if he had no confidence in your integrity, as if everlasting on the watch, afraid lest you should speak, look, or smile to another of the male sex but his own dear Belf. To be free in the company of another is high treason, and sure to make him grumble and to be glumpish, sour, and sulky, if not outrageously severe in his impertinent remarks regarding your unfaithfulness and want of affection. And if to before marriage, what will he be after ? Depend upon iCyou will then have to be almost like a nun, Bhut up and shut out from the ordinary socialities of life, and must keep at homo, see no male friends on any occasion ; and even then his jealous spirit, like a greeneyed monster, as Shakespeare calls it, will imagine some reason or other for suspecting your integrity — for accusation and quarrel, which would render your life miserable in the extreme Have nothing to do, then, with green-eyed jealous-minded lovers, for " joalouly," saith Scripture, "is cruel as the grave." Now, I have told you what,io avoid — suppose I tell you whom to accept. Here ho is then, the one in a thousand — the youth who is sober, moral, intelligent, serious, industrious, truthful, and houest as the day ; respectful andjrespsctable, and wellfitted to make a happy home, and bo a congonial companion to a lovely and loving wife. Such noble young men, though scarce, are still to bo found. But they are not to be caught with chaff, nor are they enamored with tinsel and show. The genuine article, the true good-tempered metal- alone attracts their notice and receives their attention. They appreciate personal charms, but greatly prefer gentlenesr, modesty, intelligence, purity, character, and neatness to all other qualifications. — Exchange.

A recent importation of the " haw haw " species, says 'the Thames paper, was some time ago doing the grand tour of this island, and chanced to arrive at a hostelry in one of the frontier settlements. The weather was a trifle warmer than it is now, and the flies were troublesome. During the progress of the meal which had been prepared for the guest, the flies became ravenous, and the whilom ornament of Belgravia rang the bell— they had arrived at that point of civilisation to possess a bell — and the waiter came. " Waitaw " said the traveller, " Would you be good enough-ah — to remove the flies-ah." The waiter retired to inform the landlord of the strange request that had boen preferred. Now, the landlord was one of his own best customers, and as the sun had passed the meridian, or was over the main-top, or had reached some other point which is considered an excuse for frequent libations, he was in no humor to tolerate airs even from a good customer. Landlord proceted to his guest's presence, and,- in polite frontier language apostrophised his visual organs and limbs as a prelude to enquiring what the guest wanted in finding fault. The visitor listened to the eloquent interrogatory of the landlord without evincing the slightest surprise, further than to adjust an eye-glass in the coolest and most aggravating manner, peculiar _to his class — for the purpose of better scanning; the intruder. He then agitated the tintinnabulator once more, and the waiter appeared. " Waitaw," he said, still preserving his characteristic coolness and impudence, "will you be good enough-ah— to remove-ah the landlord and the flies-ah." The landlord was so confounded that he removed himself, and the visitor was soon left to finish his meal with only the companionship of the flies.