SIMON SHORT'S SON SAMUEL.

Tuapeka Times, Volume VII, Issue 372, 11 July 1874, Page 4

SIMON SHORT'S SON SAMUEL.

The following literary curiosity is, of course of American origin :—: — Shrewd Samuel Short sewed shoes. Seventeen Summers, speedy storms, spreading sunshine, successfully saw Simon ( s small, shabby shop still standing i stanch, saw Simon's self-some squeaking sign* still swinging, silently specifying : " Simon Short, Smith-eld's sole surviving shoemaker. Shoes sewed, soled superfinely." Simon's spry, sedulous spouse, Sally Short, sewed skirts, stitched sheets, stuffed sofas. Simons's six stout, sturdy sons- Seth, Samuel, Stephen, Saul, Shadrach, Silas — sold sundries. Sober Seth sold sugar, starch, spice ; simple Sam sold saddles, stirrups, screws ; sagacious Stephen sold silks, satins, shawls ; skeptical Saul .sold silver salvers, silver spoons ; selfish Shadrach sold shoestrings, soap, saws, skates ; slack Silas sold Sally Shorts's stuffed sofas. Some seventeen summers since, Simon's second son, Samuel, saw Sophia Sophronia Spriggs Somewhere. Sweet, sensible, smart Sophia Sophronia Spriggs. Sam soon showed strange symptoms. Sam seldom stayed, storing, selling saddles. Sam sighed sorrowfully, sought Sophia Bophronia's society, sung several serenades slyly. Simon stormed, scolded severely, said Samuel seemed so silly, singing such shameful senseless songs. *' Strange Sam should slight such splendid summer sales !" said Simon. " Strutting spendthrift ! shatterbrained simpleton !" '.Softly, softly, sire." said Sally. " Sam's smitten— Sam's spied some sweetheart." " Sentimental school-boy 1" snarled Simon.—" Smitten ! Stop such stuff !" Simon sent Sail's snuff-box spinning, seized Sally's scissors, smashed Sally s specticals, scattering several spools. " Sneaking scoundrel ! Sam's shcoking silliness shall surcease !" Scowling Simon stopped speaking, starting swiftly shopward. Sally sighed sadly. Summoning Sam, spoke sweet sympathy. *• Sam," said she, "sire seems singularly snuppy ; so, sonny, stop smoking sigars, spending specie superfluously, stop sprucing so, stop singing serenades, stop short ! Sell saddles sonny ; sell saddles sensibly ; see Sophia Sophronia. Spriggs soon ; she's sprightly; she's stable, so solicit, sue ; secure Sophia speedily, Sam. " So Boon 1 so soon ?" said Sam, standing stock still. "So soon ! surely," said Sally smiling ; " specially since sire shows such spirts." So Sam, somewhat scared, sauntered slowly, shaking stupendously. Sam soliloquizes ;" " Sophia Sophronia Spriggs— Spriggs Short — Sophia Sophronia Short, Samuel Short's spouse sounds splendid ! Soppose she should say — she ! she shan't ! she shan't ! Soon Sam spied Sophia starching shirts, singing softly. Seeing Sam, she stopped starching, saluting Sam smilingly. Sam stammered shockingly. Spl-spl-splendid summer season, Sophia." '* Somewhat sultry." suggested Sophia, " Sar-sartin, Sophia," said Sam. (Silence seventeen seconds.) " Selling saddles still Sam V Sar-sar-sartin," said Sam, starting suddenly. "Season's somewhat sudorific," said Sam, stealthily stanching streaming sweat, shaking sensibly, Sartin," said Sophia, smiling significantly. " Sip some sweet sherbet, Sam." (Silence sixty seconds.) " Sire shot sixty sheldrakes Saturday." said Sophia. "Sixty? sho?" said Sam. (Silence seventy-seven seconds.) " See sister Susan's sunflowers," said Sophia, sociably scattering such stiff silence. Sophia's sprightly sauciness stimulated Sam strangely ; so Sam suddenly spoke sentimental : " Sophia, Susan's sunflowers seem saying, Samuel Short, Sophia Sophronia Spriggs stroll serenely, seek some sequestered spot, some sylvan shade. Sparkling springs shall sing soulsoothing strains; sweet songsters shall silence secret sighing* ? super-angelic sylphs shall— » Sophia snickered ; so Sam stopped. " Sophia," said Sam solemnly. '* Sam," said Sophia. " Sophia, stop smiling, Sam Short's sincere. Sam's seeking some sweet spouse, Sophia." Sophia stood silent. "Speak ! Sophia, speak ! such suspense speculates sorrow./ " Seek sire, Sam, seek sire." So Sam sought Sire Spriggs. Sire Sprigs said '' Sartin !"

A Kalathxtmpian. — At his meeting at Omeo the other day Mr. Perry was asked by Mr. Jack if he were a Kalathumpian, a question that might well puzzle a stranger, though the term is well understood at Omeo, where it originated in this wise :— A well-known official in this district who commenced colonial life as a digger, had for his first two mates, an Irish Doctor, who has long since quitted the pick and shovel to follow his profession, and the erratic son of an English Church dignitary who, like most parsons' sons, run wild, and had no great respect for religion. They lived in a hut belonging to the doctor, known from its airy construction as the " bird cage." To this hut, one Sunday morning, hied a worthy countrywoman of the doctor's, r who had been a few months married, and wished to consult the medico upon a delicate subject ; but it being the turn of the parson^* son to be hutkeeper, she found the doctor and his other mate absent, and Master Dan, who was a bit of a wag, in possession of the premises. After^ a little conversation on general subjects, the good lady, fancying, perhaps, that on such an important and critical occasion, she would be safer in the hands of one of her own faith, inquired in the blandest terms if Dan could inform her whether his mate, the doctor, was a Catholic ; whereupoa Dan, putting on a serious face as became so solemn an occasion, replied, " I think, not, marm. I believe the doctor, is of the same religion as myself," v And what might be that Mr. W?" - ( A Kalathumpian, marm." " A what, a Kalathumpian. Well, bless me, I've heard of several religious sects with strange names — Quakers, Shaken, and such like — but I never heard of a Kalathumpian before. May I be permitted to ask what you believe in?" "Oh yes, mann," replied Dan, "we believe in- three things—grog, gals, and gold," This is the religion of a good many others, 1 fancy. A witty clergyman to whom this anecdote was. related, called it not inaptly, V The Digger's Trinity."