THE WRONG MAN.

Tuapeka Times, Volume VI, Issue 325, 28 January 1874, Page 3

THE WRONG MAN.

The peripatetic showman has a good many ups and downs, "as he goes travelling round ; and he has to resort to much sharp practice to enable him to keep his end up, as you may understand. Once there were two actor-men who, having collapsed in a strange land, became greatly distressed in mind, and thought something of drowning themselves, as actors do when they're hard up. Unable to get a lift on any friendly waggon travelling their way, they were compelled to tramp it for a distance of fifteen miles. Think of that, now, for men who were accustomed to being kings and robbers and wealthy scions of the realm, and all that. But it's all true — they had to foot it, no conductor being willing to trust them, to such a condition had the drama descended. Well, they managed to reach a town up in this State somewhere, and were as tired and hungry a3 anything ; but they had abundance of cheek, as you will see. Just as soon as they arrived in this one-horse town, one starts off to the Town Hall, and hires it, and then sits down to dine at the town hotel, you will bear in mind. The other — for they were going pards in this here venture — goes to the newspaper office, and gets some bills printed, and likewise gets a first-rate notice and a couple of drinks at the expense of the editor, who, like all editors, was only too glad to be of service to an exponent of the drama. Then — see the cunning of this man — having done the printer, and created a favourable impression, as we have said, he directs his steps to the hotel, and asks for his "treasurer!" Being told that his " treasurer " had dined, and gone out he dines also ; comes the giraffe over them. See ? Then he distributes his bills, and gets in with lots of people who, on the strength of his bills, treat him as if he was the Shah of Persia, or an inflated banker, and actually force things upon him, which is saying a good deal in these days. Well, be jingoes, that night the Town Hall was " crammed to suffocation, and hundreds turned away, unable to gain admission," as they say on the bills of the play. You never saw anything like it, and they only two strollers, too. But nobody knew that, you will bear in mind. This immense assemblage gathered to see " The Great Giantess, standing twelve feet in her shoes, who had received the smiles and bounties of crowned heads," and" much more stuff of that sort. Ten centses flowed into the treasury of these freebooters like chaff before the wind, or like a freshet, or an avalanche — anything you please. But the Great Giantess was there ! Oh yes ! there she was, sure enough, moving about as if she had a tiredness in her knees, or spine, or something. So things went along right nice till by and bye the spectators were '" completely taken by surprise," for a voice was heard, evidently coming from the bowels, mind you, of the Giantess ! " Johnny, Jol»»«j," said the strange voice, " I'm smothering — I'll have till throw yez." " Hold up, Jimmy," said another voice coming from another part of the Giantess's corpus, <- hold up ; the doors Bhut at ten, and it's only five minutes of it, so hold up " " I can't do it, yez too many for me." Then there was a painful sound as if somebody waa smothering, and down came the Giantess with a squelch, and the show was over. They had "made up" with the heaviest man on top.