ARTEMUS WARD.

Tuapeka Times, Volume VI, Issue 289, 14 August 1873, Page 7

ARTEMUS WARD.

The following are the principal parts of the last show-bill issued by Artemus Ward in Baltimore :—: — ARTEMUS WARD'S FAREWELL NIGHTS IN AMERICA, ADOO! ADOO! i CONCORDIA OPERA feOUSE, I Eustace-street, near Baltimore. . < TWO NIGHTS ONLY. ; ARTEMUS WARD'S MORMON ENTERTAINMENT, I With cheerful new Stories and entirely new Scenic Illustrations. ' - • ' PROGRAMME.. • •) The festivities will be commenced by tlie pianist, a gentleman who nsed to board in . the same street with Mr. Gotsehalk The man who kept the boarding-house remembers it distinctly The overture will consist of a medley of airs, including the touching new ballads, "• Dear Sister, is there any Pie in. the House?" "My Gentle Father, have your any Fine Cut Cavendish about you ? " " Mother, is the Battle O'er, and ia it Safe for. Me to Come Home from Canada ?" While the enrap ured ear drinks in thissweet music [we pay our pianist nine dollars a week and ' ' find him '*] the eye will be~ enchained by the magnificent green baize covering of the Panorama. This green baize' cost forty cents a yard at Mr. Stewart's store It was bought in defe-ence to the present popularity of the "Wearing of the Green." We shall keep up with the times, if we spend the last dollar our friends, have got. Appearance of Artemus Ward — Who will be greeted with applause. The ushers are particularly requested to attend to this, r When quiet has been restored, the Lecturer will present a rather frisky prologue, of about ten minutes in length and of nearly the same width. It perhaps isn't necessary to speak Of the depth. The Pictures Commence Here.— The first one being a view of the California Steamship—Large crowd of citizens on the wharf, who appear to be entirely willing that Arte-. mus Ward shall go. ".Bless you, sir !" they* say. "Don't hurry about coming back. Stay away for years if y)u want to J" It is very touching At Panama — A glance at Mexico The health of Maximilian — The angry Pacific — Queer scenes on shipboard — The storm at sea, with the best thunder in town — The Chinese Theatre — Sixteen square yards of a Chinese comic song. Virginia City, Nevada. — The thrifty young metropolis of the new Silver state — they shoot a great deal here ; though not > much more then they do this way, afier all. It is unsafe now to give even the quietest young man a pistol. The chances are that Jie will shoot his grandfather before night. ' The Great Desert at Night. — A. dreary iwaste of sand. The sand isn't woi-th saving, however— Verses' on the lamented' George Glover, stage-driver- Indrns occupy yonder mountains —Little Injuns seem in the dis-° s tance trundling their war-whoops. - i ' A Bird's-eye View of Great Salt Lake City. — With some entirely serious descriptive talk. - '»-' < The Mormon Theatre. — Romeo and Juliet, with ten Juliets — It is confusing to Romeo, and when, Juliet asks, "Wherefore •> art thou, Romeo ? " Romy answers that he don' t know.Brigham Young's Harem - Mr. Young is an indulgent father and a numerous husband. For furhter particulars call on the Lecturer at Concordia. Opera House, 'Thursday' even-ings-September 21, or the succeeding evening.— "'this paragraph is intended to unite business ; > with amusement. ■. i INTERMISSION. An intermission of five minutes will occur ■ here, so that the Lecturer can go across the street to ', see a man." The TABEftNAcLE.I_The great Mormon Meeting-house, where the' Elders and Youngers mislead ' the congregation, and Mra Smith (in great numbers) . acts as the choir. The Temple as It Is. — Not much of a picture, though the audience can have carte de visile of it, if they insis£ on it. The Templb as It Is To Be— A daylight andjnight^view. It is hoped this picture irf ■ worth, seeing. The Great Balt Lake.— lt is also hoped that this picture is worth seeing. . Echo CAJKfljr.^rA, sick looking picture * beside that of Bierstadt, but perhaps it will j do. It was the best they had in the store. The Desert • 'Again. — A more cheerful view — The Plains of Colorado — The Rocky ".might, have been seen " in the dptance if the artist had p*ainteil 'em. But he 'is prejudiced against mountaius because his uncle once, got lost on one. 'Brioham YbiMf at Home. — The last picture. 1 ;•-•>•■ Now go home, or the lights will be put out. , . • i . : OPINIONS OF THE PREsS. Artemus Ward. — This great lecturer called on us to day and ordered quite a lot of job printing. We consider him one of the greatest, lecturers in this country .—Sheboygan, Wis., Bugle of Liberty. . *> * j*. Although his atylfc is different from Washington Irvings, w^- ,cannot be , blind to the "fact that MrjTrying's style is different from his. — Skqwhegan, Maipe, Qlarioti. ''•' )1* * * Not ,a dry eye, ( in the^audienge.o .. •Many could have borrowed money of him on the spot. —Ralivxty Gazette. J No family should' be without him. -r-Uo-. bolcen Expounder. ' ' We don't know when we have been more so. — Keokuh, lowa, Banner.