How in American Dined with a Duke.

Tuapeka Times, Volume VI, Issue 271, 10 April 1873, Page 7

How in American Dined with a Duke.

(From the "csottish American Journal.") It was during a hasty run through the British Islands that I found myself in the classic city of Edinburgh. The month was flowery May, and the annual visitation of black coats, yclept the " General Assembly," had come like a shower of locusts, to cast its clerical shadow on those graceful streets. I had just drawn the last whiff from a tolerable cigar, and was enjoying in true Western style my dolce farniente at the window of " myne inn," when my friend Charlie Smith broke in upon my solitude. I call him " Charlie," because the name carries with it a certain dash, and " Smith," because it has a smack of the cosmopolitan. Charlie was a firstrate fellow, but like Grratiano, "He spoke an infinite deal of nothing — More than any man in all Venice." His manner was of that exciting and gushing order which reminds you of a ton of coals being emptied at your door, or a young avalanche attempting its first somersault. " Look here ! General Jackson," said he, " can you play the parson ?" " Play the parson ?" T replied. " Well I don't know, I never tried it. I've played 'Richelieu' to an admiring circle." My name, I may observe is not Jackson, a name owned by a very respectable citizen now deceased, but it was a playful way my friend had of referring to my shining abilities and natural pugnacity of disposition. " You don't understand, old boy," he remarked, " but first allow me to observe that sitting with your feet on a window-sill is not perhaps the most clerical position you could adopt — excuse me, but you're not in Nevada just at present, you know; but see here, how would you like to dine with a Duke /" " Dive with a Duke ; why, I would dine with Queen Victoria or the Emperor of .Russia — my capacity for dining is something quite remarkable." " Well, I'll tell you how it is," he continued, rattling on in a spasmodic manner, "' I met an old parson last evening at Mrs. S 's, old aunt, you know — mocey — parson says he, ' How would you like to dine with the Lord High Commissioner — Holyrood, and all that sort of thing — Duke to be there — can't go myself — you can have my tickets, and a friend. ' Enough !' said I, Til do it.' I've got the paste-boards — it's just four o'clock, dinner at six — so got into your ' goto meetings' and ' white choker,' and meet me on the Eialto at five o'clock, and for once in your life look as sanctimonious as you possibly can." This being too good a chance to be thrown away, I arrayed myself in my best, and at the appointed hour we stopped into a cab, and rattled away towards the palace. The exterior of Holyrood is too well known from paintings and stereoscopic views to require any extended description. Its historical walls are quaint and ancient, but shew as yet no traces of decay. They were built to last in those days, and this building is likely to outlive many of the edifices of the modern times. As we drove up to the principal entrance, where the royal arms of Scotland still tell their story of former pomp, two soldiers in the invariable British scarlet were pacing backwards and forward with edifying regularity. Prom the corners of their eyes, or so much of them as could be seen from behind an inquisitorial stock, they honored us with a stare. Seeing that we were not a field-marshal, or a general or anythiug worth saluting, they looked to their proper front and passed on. We had of course a fight over our fare, but being conscious of the gaze of several small natives with a tendency to slang, we merely took the " cabbie's " number and iooked daggers. Charlie felt inclined to indulge in a little profanity, until reminded by his ticket that he was the / Eev. Dougald Macshirter, M.A.,of the parish of Achnasneeshin. My cognomen was the Eev. Hector Cameron, of Auchterstirk and Kilgommeril. Having touched our " chokers," and frowned severely upon the as.°embled multitude, we passed at once the massive gateways into the massive quadrangle. Here we were met by a gentleman attired like the Jack of Hearts, who touched his helmet, and led us to the inner entrance, where we were taken in tow by the king of the same suit, and escorted up the broad staircase. Arrived at the vestibule, we handed our credentials to the ushers, who,, ushered us into the receptionroom." We were in good season, for as yet but few black coats .had arrived. We had therefore plenty of time' to examine the ancient-looking room in which we found ourselves. The floor and ceiling were of solid and curiously carved oak. The walls were "of tapestry, worked, so we were given to understand, by the fair maids of the Court of Mary. • And so we stood in Darnley's room ; and in these deep recesses of the massive windows the courtly forms of other days had said their say, and planned and plotted and loved and hated just as now. There is a strange fascination in the minds of all, even, the most practical, to associate with inanimate objects, the presence of persons whose lives have filled a pasie ef history ; and we could not resist the temptation to people these halls in imagination with courtly knights and ladies fair, and all the

royal pomp of the once magnificent Stuarts. The rapid arrival of the guests, and a certain emptiness about the epigastric region, prevented further reverie, and we were fain to leave these phantoms of the past and return to the living present. The room was rapidly filling with clergy, and they stood and chatted in groups, and looked through the windows on the beautiful scene without. There is something very comfortable about the Scotch clergy — a sort of gemai good fellowship, which looks as if it could assist at a marriage with a hearty laugh and a cordial shake of the hand, or lower a fellow-creature into the grave, with a reverent head and a sympathetic tear. There is not so much of the white hand and diamond rino business among the descendants of John Knox as you find south of the Tweed, and the Darwinian method of parting the hair, so popular among the plaintive curates, is seldom seen upon the sensible heads of Presbyterianism. The English clergy are apt to boast that they are all gentlemen. There may be such a thing, however, as too much gentJemanliness, and we are disposed to think that the kindly voice which can descend from its classical pedestal, and address its people in the simple language of everyday converse, is more likely to touch the heart than the eloquent perorations of Cambridge, or the ripened scholarship of Oxford. As we stood awaiting the arrival of the Lord High Commissioner, we were startled by an apparition so striking that for a moment we almost forgot our clerical calling in wonder and admiration. A clanking sword announced the approach of something, and a little gentleman in the full uniform of her Majesty's Heavy Dragoons strode into the room. As a general rule, the officers of her Majesty's '' Heavies " are a very elegant and distinguished looking set of men ; but this apparition was something so entirely out of the usual model that he deserves a passing notice. He was short, and had a head of very carroty hair. lie made the most of his figure, however, and stood as erect as a redhot poker. His uniform was very gorgeous — scarlet coat, gold epaulettes, embroidered belts, glittering sabretache. Altogether, he was a very pretty fellow, all but his face, which was monstrously ugly. Having come to a proper state of statuesque composure in our vicinity, he fixed his eyes on an object as if he were being photographed, and ventured not a sound. Beside him stood a clergyman, a jovial looking old fellow, on whose face was written goodness of heart, kindly feelin;;, and a chatty humor. He surveyed our young Blucher with an expression of great admiration, for your man of peace is a great admirer of your man of war, and edging towards him opened a conversation iv the following strain :—: — " I supposo you gentlemen are pretty much engaged during the Assembly week." The military statute moved not a muscle but remarked as nearly as we could catch his meaning. " Yawse !" "You will not be sorry when we leave you, I daresay." " Yawse !" This was not encouraging, to say the least of it, so the old gentleman thought he would try him on another tack, and says he, "I understand that the Duke of Buccleuch is to dine with us to-day." The poker just slightly turned his head and observed, " Aw yawse !" It was no go. This gentleman's profession was fighting, not talking. Several officers now entered the room ; Highlanders in kilts and cavalrymen in spurs, and we must do them justice to say that they Beemed a very handsome and jolly set of fellows, and very different from the empty-looking ass who stood beside us. We had not long now to wait, for the door opened, and the Lord Commissioner entered, and a murmur ran through the room, " The Duke !" or as a Highland gentleman beside us called him, " The Dook !" The Commissioner was attired in a red coat, and looked as if he had been boiled. " The Dook " was also in a red coat, che uniform of a Lord Lieutenant or something. Our emotions on beholding this great personoge were not so everwhelming as we expected.. We had shaken bands with Presidents, and serenaded any amount of generals, but a Duke was qnite out of our usual line, and we fully expected to be duly frustrated. We remained, however, perfectly calm. Our pulse, in fact, did " temperately keep in time." We had a very indistinct idea as to what we were expected to do ; whether we were to kiss his hand, or walk up to him like a crab, and come away on all fours. Our minds were speedily put at rest, however, by the fact that the Duke merely stood still, like anybody else, and no one seemed to have bravery enough to approach- him. I had, therefore, ample opportunity to take observations of him in detail. He was a tall thin man, . . . ami for the wealthiest noblo in Scotland he really seemed & very humble individual. The Lord Commissioner looked slightly uncomfortable in his uniform, and wore " specs." He conversed with thj " Moderator," and one or two of the clergy, and everywhere he moved he was followed by two little boys dressed as monkeys. They had

short scarlet cut-away coats, lace j ruffles, knee breeches, powdered hair and court swords, and wei*e supposed to be pages. We would have thought , of Darwin had Darwin then begun to shine, but he hadn't. A large folding-door now flew open — doors in palaces and castles and sensation novels always do fly open — and dinner was announced. We found our way as best we might to places at a long table, and the feast began. The dining-hall was on the picture gallery of Holyrood Palace. It is a long, gaunt, ancient looking room, roofed and floored with oak, and painted all over with portraits. Pictures are not hung with frames, but executed on the walls; and we sat down to a feast under the stern gaze of mailed warriors, bearded kings, and the beautiful face of Mary Queen of Scots. We might have waxed sentimental but for the dinner, for dinner and sentiment do not agree, and we were soon in the midst of hard work and animated converse. Clerical dining we have always observed to be good, on this occasion it was full up to the mark. The plate and service were of silver ; the waiters wore the livery of the Queen ; the wines were in abundance. Charlie and myself were sandwiched between our respected elderly friend of chatty memory on our left and a cavalry officer on our right. The Duke and party sat away to the jiorth-west of us, so that we had but little chance of enjoying their improving conversation. During dinner we found everybody very pleasant and agreeable, and were peculiarly struck with the desire evinced on every side to drink wine with us. We set it down to our distingue and intellectual appearance, but were disgusted to find next day, when we recognised some jolly old friar of orders grey, that he had forgotten all about us. We were therefore forced to the conclusion, however humiliating it might be, that we had been merely uaed as puppets, or excuses, so to speak, for a glass of wine. Up to a certain point all went merrily ; but a trying moment approached, one of those moments in human life which requires all a man's effrontery and power of evasion. The old gentleman of Charlie's left was, as I previously remarked, of a conversational turn of mind, and he seemed determined to unearth us. During a lull in the conversation, he turned to Charlie, who was happy in the blissful Berenity of having passed the Rubicon, and opened his batteries somewhat after this fashion : — " You're a very young man — (snuff) — to be of the cloth " — (another snuff.) " Earthquakes ! " thought Charlie ; or, at all events, I suggested the exclamation to myself as being appropriate to the occasion. He administered a kick to me under the table, aud I whispered to him, " Stick it out." I have often regretted this breach of the 9th commandment, but I was younger and " wickeder " then. " Yes !" says Charlis ; " oh, yes, rather !" "What Presbytery do you represent?" Now here was a clincher. Charlie knew as much of the Presbytery he represented as did of the Hebrew alphabet, and again another kick wounded me beneath the table. " Hem !" — another kick. " Achnahuliehan !" whispered I at a venture, having forgotten the name, the cold prespiration standing on my alabaster brow. " Achnabullycan," says Charlie, with the face of a man who had made up his mind to die rather than surrender. " Oh !" says the old fellow, with a sly twinkle in his confonndedly 'cute looking optic. "Indeed!" — (snuff) — " I don't kuow that I ever heard the name before " — (continuation of same snuff) — " Where, may I ask — in what part of the country is it? — (dregs snuffed up). " North !" whispered I, after another under-ground warning. " Well ! it's pretty far north," says he meditatively, as if thinking how tar north it might be. " Let us see !" — three distinct and healthy kirks received by me, translated, " Don't you see what a fix I'm in, you brute ; get me out of it, or I'll vaccinate you when we get out." " Sir !" said I, across the prostrate form of my suffering brother, "will you allow me the honor of a glass of wine. I think I've had the pleasure of hearing you preach." (This was a big one ; but great events call for prompt action). Your name ia ?) " Dr. M'Taggart !" " Ah ! the same ; and it was, I think, in Glasgow." Alas! that I should now say it wasn't. By this brilliant flank movement the thing was done. Charlie's retreat was covered, for just at this mumenfc the toastmaster baled out, " Charge your glasses !" We charged fie^oely. The " Light Brigade " was a trifle to that charge. " The Queen," and we st >od to our fee:, and " the Queen " was du-ly*imbifeid. Vario.us leasts followed in funerabsticcession,?finsl about halfpast eight o'clock, wnVsft the Lord Con»missioner rnse to his feet, ancl bowed gracefully to the table, signified his royal assent that we had drunk as much claret as was good for v«, and the dinner was over. As we wended our way to the Canongate, we enjoyed a hearty laugh over our fortunate escape from the horns of a dilemma, and resolved that we should never again appear in bor-

rowed plumes. I regret to say that the game of billiards which closed that evening, in which I was badly thrashed, proved anything but a clerical ending to the day on which I dined with a Duke.