MISCELLANEOUS.

Tuapeka Times, Volume VI, Issue 269, 27 March 1873, Page 9

MISCELLANEOUS.

Not a bad story is told at the expense of a most distinguished and estimable citizen. It seems that a dinner party was in progress during a brilliant display of Northern Lights, and this gentleman, stepping out to cool his burning brow, was startled by the display. He stood perfectly amazed ; then turning to the window, he saw within tho wife of his bosom sitting with the ladies waiting for their liege lords to end tLeir claret and cigars. Pushing aside the lace curtains, he beckoned Mrs Agnes to come out. She complied, when he said to her, solemnly, " Wagnes, der see anything extronory now." •' Yes, Dolly* I see you have been drinking too much wine." " No, nor that, Wagnes ; I mean exstronory phornomonums in asmosphere." "Why, where, Dolly?" "Up yonder, Wagnes." " Why, dear me, yes ; I do, indeed — the most brilliant aurora I ever saw." " Wagnes, are things a-shooting ?" " Yes. Dear." "An' a flashin', Wagnes?" "Yes, Dolly." '* An' a sorter spreadin' and dancin'. eh, Wagnes?" "All that, my dear." "Ho, ho!" laughed' the husband, much relieved ; "do you know, Wagnes — I mean Hagnes — when'r I come out an' saw the celestial phornomonums a-glowin<r upper yonder, hlpss me effer I didn't think I was drunk P A capital snake story comes from New South Wales. The French always maintain thnt their troops at Waterloo were beaten because their sensitive oars could not endure the sotinil of tlio bagpipes. A snake has developed a similar disgust for the music of Gael. All attempts to dislodge him frorK a house having proved ineffectual, a piper was produced. Scarce! v had he got through half-a-dozen bars than I'io poor reptile crept out of his hole and at njnoe gave up 1 he ghost. Tho "Emi lira i ion Commissioners tell us that in the last twenty-four years, from IS4S to 1872, upwards of seventeen millions sterling have been sent home by emigrants in America to their friends, and that the«e remittances were almost entirely made by Irish emigrants' to their relatives in Ireland. Thus far the commissioners ; but there were several millions remitted of which they could have no information. From the famine iv 1817 to the year 1572. tho remittances have averaged more than one million a year, so that the total roust have exceeded thirty millions-rail contributed by poor" laboring boys and girls and sm >ll fnrmors! T!»e'*e ii no gu"h in<»rah *c of heroism or self-sacrifice in tic 1 i4ory of the whole world. ' Irishmen generally will fool sinc^e sorrow at learning that another of t'>e patriot band, Mr. John Francis Maguiro, is dead. He was quo of fbe most steadfast fYionds of the crui 8"*8 "* with which the name of Daniel O'Uuimoll is inp&pcraMy a'-sciated, and w'lich, whatever may bo the personal and political feelings of individuals or parties, has resulted in repairing many wrongs under which the " Green Islo "

had long groaned. Not- only as^ o member of Parliament, but as the nn flinching and eloquent advocate on all occasions of national rights, Mr Maguire had endeared himself to the Irish heart, and the sixty thousand people, including every rank and denomination, who swelled the funeral cortege, bore testimony to the belief in his genuine and consistent and unswerving love of his country. Mr Maguire died on the first of November last at Dublin, and like many another disinterested public man has left a family destitute ; but we believe that the appeal which is now being made in their behalf will meet a warm response from every part of earth wherever a heart is found that first began to throb iv "Oald Ireland." A California town is anxious to get its doctors to repeat a visit East which they made last summer, to attend a, medical convention. They were absent about two months, and on their return they found that all their patients had recovered, tho drug stores had closed, the*nttrses had opened dancing schools, the cemetery was cut up into building lots, the undertakers had gone to make fiddles, and the hearse had been gaudily painted and cold for a circus waggon ! - - The mining men of Stawell, Victoria, have some faith in deep sinking. The shareholders of the Magdala Company have sunk to a depth of 1084 ft.,. and from the appearance of the mine they think that a r*ef is close at hand. In an article deploring the pre valence of gamblingthe " Age"says: — Nor is the besetting evil confined to the male sex. Ladies whose toilets prove that the complacency of husbands or fathers must be-Tis large as their means, or that tiadesmen are confiding to an altirmiug degree, are bitten with the mania of gambling. The avidity with which they importune friends to put in for sweeps oversteps the bounds of womanly modesty; the deep felt interest in the drawing, and the heightened color and excited eye, and the pxulting smije of satisfaction when a likely horsefalls to their lot, go far to convince the unprejudiced spectators that the likelihood of becoming possessors of the money of others has fur more to do with their ill-repressed delight than the fugitive and simple pleasure of seeing a race lost and won. Women seems to nnsex herself, and the greed of a harpy, the knowingness of a touc, and the slang of the stable usurp the place of modesty, simplicity, and refinement. A curious calculation has henn made of the proportion of time sp'-nt iv diJ'erent employments in a lifetime. At the age of forty-eight, most men and. women have spent about eighteen years in sleep, three and a half years in eating and drinking,, and two and a half, years in dressing and washing. In other words, precisely half of existence has to be deducted from the cime left available for work of any kind. Of the remaining half, a literary man or student will generally have spent about six years in reading andsix in writing, and a man of active habits about six also in walking, riding, and driving. Men who work niue hours at any trade or profession, and who commenced such labor twelve years old, will have spent — allowing for Sundays — about fourt'eeyp years -at it by the time they have arrived at the ace in question. Ladies who devote three hours a day to the piano, or to crotchet, from an early age, may enjoy the reflection that they have dedicated about four years of mortal life to those occnpations> Finally, nearly all of us who have lived for half a century have spent something like five or six years in talking — that being the employment which fills up the interstices of time left vacant by every other occupation. Emigration to Taranaki ia proceeding on a large scale. During the course of a discussion which recently took place between "a deputation of Taranaki settlers and the Hon. Mr. M,-Le:in, Mr Ilulke, Immigration Agent for the province -said he hadrsreh'ed a letter tliat morning from Wellington, stating that fix immigrants would leave England in' the Forfarshire, and t\ro had arrived by the coach the night previously. There is hope for Taranaki yet*. — " Post." Ilo'louwfs Pills. —Functional Disorders. — Who would be well must see that every organ of the body does its duty. ffuryl r y and fairly, which every one may certainly insure by occasionally resorting to these Pills, or by taking a course of fchsni. according to tlia printed directions folded round each box. Stomach, liver, kidney, and bowels are all reached by their purifying and corrective powers ; aud any departure from their natural action is strenuously resisted, andorder and regularity enforced. Health may always be pre3errei by attentive obedience to llolloway's directions, and by using hismedicine as advised by them. All obstructions will by this means be reTir'ei, th& blood will be pariSrl, airJ freo and friit'ess circulation established. DR. BRIGHTS PTOSPiTODYNE.— ■Mnltitvt les of p°uple are h ipolp^y sufivring froni.Debility, Nervous ana Liver complaints, D.}pre>sion cf c-pirit3,c -pirit3, Dciu-.:nn=, TJnfit'iess for Business or. Study, Failure of ! fearing, Sigh*-a'id Memory, Lassitude, Wan* of Power, &c, whose case adna't of a permenant cureby th 3 new remedy PHOSPiIODYNE. (Ozonic Oxygen), TrYeh at onoa allays all irritation ?jid«Tcitem^nt, imparts new energy an 1 life to the pni'e^ble! C"mtrtn*:on, and readily cure 3 every sti^re of the^e hitherto incurable aul di->t"-*s-'~T "i-'tli?-, •Sold by all CLcaista aad .Si-irokeensj-s j thr .u^hont th? f'-. 1 .r,''.» f--.- n — V.-.U-PinpVeta obtaining tsstiamiiil* mi}' be. ob -lined. O \b r TION r . -Be rirtl-.-ular t-» ask for Dr. B i>*ht's Pl.'T-ri/V'lyi"' »■ i )itvi.ins are abroad, and avrid pnrdhasing sing] 3 h->t-!t!S. tie genuine article being sold >n e.\£*s. o Jy.,