FACETIÆ.

Tuapeka Times, Volume V, Issue 242, 19 September 1872, Page 9

FACETIÆ.

: ■ 'Av.inan -has sued 'his- barber for-cuttin^ . off hu^ moustache. . The; barber says he didn't. see, it. ..." a <j- ■■ ■ - <■ . , , A, clergyman said that he addressed his J . isongregation of ladies aud^gentleinan,^ : br > eth'ern,.'be!Bause the "TE>re r thern "\,embraced the 'ladies. ' ', ' . '• i <? >Are the jury agreed ? aslced the judge . of a court' aikic/^ whom' he met on the" stairs with a can jn his hand. . " Yes," • replied'-'Faty "tKey have' agreed, to siridout for half a gallon."- ■ ' ' Whp -gLye^h-this woman to be married to this man'?" " Well, sir, lam called to 1 1 do 1 it; although it do go agin the grain.- ■ t-wantedt -wanted her'to niarry Bill Blowser,, .Who -aija^orth'twice 'the money o' that man. H " i " "My ..dear j" said a husband to his- . Affectionate better half, after a matrimonial squahbilej V you will never, be permittee! to go to heaven ! " Why not V* *' Because you will be wanted as, a torment down below I" "' , -''•■ One tff thb School Board recently asked a little boy of Bath;what was the name of ..Jehoshaphat's mother.. Theachtolar re'--1 plied, ." 1 don't know, and"wots more,- I doh y t'car&" 'What have T'^o' do with Jehoshaphat's mother." i >- " -i '' • v ' ' , - I^Wlioitdare spit tobacco-juice thb I jloor.of this car?'? asked- ii passenger in a j train,-., ih Fdare,?' qnietly T replied s a slender I youth", -suiting the- 'action to the word. i '" YouVe'tfte chap I'm lopliilag for," said the mahV"?giv§'us'.a chaw." •"' ' Tt^s-'ttfld of^ri^'old' Sc^tcji^'ady that, - when dying, a tremendous storm of rain aad ( th.un(ler / came-oni so as,i^. shake' the 'house. Tin a ,'quainib,", eccentric. spirit, bjit j :^niii*'Tio"'th'£>iignf / of .^profane, , or .light I/allusions', 'she'lbcyked vp a , ana listening to 1 thdgtofm, quietly reniarked/ ( "in reference 'to her departure, "EcK 'sirs'! what an : awfu'-nicljtlfor^metae gang fleein' through j",^e air"r ..; .-. ' . ..-. . „ - ' ,'^^A mamma, in .the rural districts recently 'gave her five,-ypar T pld hopef ill an outfit of fisiungHftckle. ' , Soon she' heard a shout from WillibJ'ah'^ running .out- found one ■ of iher-bestifiens <fast winding i)p 'the l#e sirfier/croji, whitherthehook had'aliready observiiig' ithe " troubled look of his I mQth,ep,u4 I wetlyiirei marked, " Don't .woiay, mother ; she will rocl."' ;,.',' j ! f■ i The carpenters are 'On 1 strike, Hi they / are-not,efcigfed 1 . ii lit.1 it. is "quite plane tßat success mu^tcrbwtt their efforts, '„We^w .jl body of-the bosses this morning trying ttyaaw.' 'jfco? ;tjiej jstickingt point, out they em-bja&e a small portion of the whole, and'*6t a ow of that confimen<exilbrf: Th^lajbfer will l cojjtp.uj>itp hajnyneK away;;,.untiL they have Wii^-thebossea to ; their nine hours platform- — — i The /oU&gijag lines /havßibeen quoted as descr^)tive of some-atmospheric phenom(Mjajte#^<thepaeT; winter ?rli ?wi •' -^ I JKn* itjgwwd, and-.fchetr itjblew, | Aid then it f rix, nnd then it mew, I Zj^^J^teHffi^^it^ew, I Ana then it tn* again anew. j AU hafl % th^ f mj^y l£ Yu aw In all prohrtqWy j^DdraH^^oAyup 6 nn\ ■, bkgir Uiaa a ■m»H-k«ff ; fur if yn didrUc *ritafc*ciW«f#n^A/aM ;i Switc^VuOale »nd ro»h around, ft^ifofifrinlrax&fW 'j^hl^i^^H ;*a "Qtf jf rom