FACETIAE.

Tuapeka Times, Volume V, Issue 238, 22 August 1872, Page 9

FACETIAE.

A fireside tail — The cat's. Kangaroo leather is recommended for Leap Year wear. Query — Does a dumb man always keep Ms word? Jenks says that a pawnbroker's office must be a loan some place. If a man has a great many debts, are they "very much, to his credit." A square-built prize-figliter is good for any amount of rounds. . Piece-makers: Steam, gunpowder, and l^t Why should a gouty man make bis will? To leave his leg ay.a y . ease (legatees). Why does a donkey eat a thistle (this'll puzzle you). Because he is an ass. In what case is it absolutely impossible to be slow and sure ?—ln? — In the case of a watch.. A Wisconsin girl was married barefoot, in the bootless hope of obtaining good luck thereby. Olive Logan commenced one of' her lectures at Newark, "recently, with the remark, " Whenever I see a pretty igirl, • I want to clasp her in my. arms." "So do we," shouted the boys iv the gallery. For a moment Olive was nonplussed, but, recovering her self-possession, she replied, " Well, boys, I don't blame you." He Knew Better.— "Diuna tell me," " said a sapient Forfarshire laird of the old' school — "dinna tell me that the earth's shapit like an orange, an' that it whirls ' round aboot ilka twenty-f 6ur 'oors. It's a' nonsense. Seidley, Hills lies- to the north, an' the Tay to the, south, at nicht - when I gang to my bed ; T the mornin' .- when I rise I find them the same '; an' that's nae proof that the earth turns round. I'll tell you" what it is— an' 1 speak wi' the authority o' an'e wha's gien the subject" a deal o' study — the earth's spread boot just • like a muckle barley.-scone, in which' the Howe o' Strathniore represents a knuckle . mark." " : < 'The Priest-hood— The cowl. • - ' A " Fast Life"— Married life. ' Poes it hurt a joke to crack it ? Pod Fellows — Bricklayers' laborers. , A Burst of Eloquence — An exploded idea. There are sixty-eight colleges for ladies " "in the, United States. ThW'highest Coloradian euphemism for baldheadednesa— your head is getting above timber line, Mrs Partihgton finds her chief objection to, Catholicism in the "enforced celebrity of the priesthood," -There-are two reasons why some people don't mind their own business : one is that .they haven't any business, and the other is that they have no mind. Matrimonial. — Newly T Married Daughter : " Mamma, how long does the honeymoon last?" Practical Parent: "Until you ask your husband for money,! my dear." " ''* ! <( An item in a Kansas papei^informs! the public that Mr. — 6f l 'Mis£duri r< gol; to owning horses that didn^^e^ong to him, and the next thing be" I^GJK/ijg couldn't get his feet to the grounxL j^ftrangled."