FACETIÆ.

Tuapeka Times, Volume V, Issue 230, 27 June 1872, Page 9

FACETIÆ.

" I say, Jim, they tell me there is a man down east that is so industrious that lie works 25 hours a day." " How is that, Cuffy ? There is only 24 hours in a day." " Why, he gets up an hour before daylight, you stupid nigger." " Oh ! yes," said a fair critic, with that vivacity of speech and manner in which the " gentler" sex indulge when picking a friend to pieces — "Oh! yes! Henry ■would be very presentable if nature hadn't turned up so much of his legs to make Ms feet." Irish Bulls.— Sir Boyle Roche said, " Single misfortunes never come alone, and the greatest of all misfortunes is generally followed by a greater." — An eniin&nt spirit merchant in Dublin announces in an Irish paper that he has still a small quantity of the whiskey on haud which was drunk by George IV. when _inDublin. __-—-" I Progress in Ireland^=Meniberof School l^Bfi^J^lJ^^BnV-^Kady Branagan, do you go to school ?" -Thady . " Bedad. I does, every blessed morning." — M. of S. B. : " And do write ?"— Thady : " Begorra, 1 does, barrin when I does wrong ! — M. of S. B. : " And do you read ?"— Thady : " Sorry a rade ?"— M. of S. B. : " What do you do, then ?"— Thady . " Arrah, share, I only goes to the schule dhure for vittles for the pig ; but I never goes into the intarior." - An American writer called the ceremony > S^young ladies kissing each other " a dreadful waste of raw material." A wag says that a legal peculiarity of the West is, that all the lawyers are jndges — and none ot.tHe judges are lawyers. A colored pfß&fiher, in discoursing to his people on the efiieacy of earnest prayer, delivered himself ifTthjs manner : ' I tell you bredern, tk prayer dat-gibs the debil de locked jaw." * . "Hollo, dar, you nigger, what you sxfor dat old blind mule, hey ?" " Well, 1 dunno ; I mout take thirty- five dollars." « Thirty-five dollars ! I'll gib you five." ' f ' Well, you may have him ; I won't stand on thirty dollar— in de mule trade." The man who popped the question by " Starlight " got his sweetheart's consent in a twinkling ! " Sir," said the astonished landlady to a traveller who had sent his cup forward the seventh time, ''you must be very fond of coffee." " Yes, madam, I am," he replied, " or I should never have drunk so much water to get so little." The height of coolness— the top of Mount Blanc. The greatest curiosity in the world ■r-d woman's *•' Drop a line if yon wish to see me," as the fash said to the angler, In Bpston they call foundling hospitals, asylums for anonymous infants, and. in Chicago they style them institutions for fop babies, born on the European plan. Hiberian landlord : ""We}} Pat, things sr bad that I am going to raise the rent."— His tenant : ""'Shure it's myself that's proud to hear you say ao, for faith