FUST IMPRESHUNS.

Tuapeka Times, Volume 21, Issue 216, 21 March 1872, Page 7

FUST IMPRESHUNS.

BY JOSH BILLINGS. {From "New York Weekly. ")

Fust impreshuns are sed tew be lasting. Enny man who has only been stung bi a hornet once will sware to this. .

The safest way for most folks tew do iz to do az the rest do. There aint but phew, who kan nayjgate without a korapass.

A wige man iz never konfounded hi what lie don't understand, but a phool generally iz. Yung man, don't grind yure scythe oil on one side. "~ Politeness is of tea wasted, but it is a good and cheap mistake to make.

Our very best thoughts often enms tew us sudden, seldom perfekt. They

require polishing up to make- them komplete.

Do a good turn, young man, whenever yu kan, even if yu have tew turn a grindstun to do it.

Repentanoe iz generally konsidered a weakness, but I kno of nothing more indikative of strength, Human knowledge is not very komprehensive after all, for i have seen men who could kalkulate an eklips to a dot, who couldn't harness a boss tew save their lives.

Every boddy in this world wants watching, but none more than ourselves.

Cunning iz very apt tew outwit itself. The man who turn'd the boat over and got under it tew keep out of the rain, waz one ov this kind.

Vanity is a strange pashun — rather than be out of a job, it will brag ov its vices.

All phoojs are poor listeners.

About all it takes to make a wise man iz to give other peoples's opinyuns as. mutch weight as we do our own-

Flattery iz like ice-cream — to relish good we want it a little at a time, and often, .

The more yu pra?e a man who dont't deserve it, the more yu abuse him,

You kant flatter a truly wise man — he knows just how much praz^ \% due him ; that he takes,- and charges over the balance to the profit and loss account.