AMERICAN NOTES.

Tuapeka Times, Volume III, Issue 205, 4 January 1872, Page 7

AMERICAN NOTES.

A man was brought before an Illinois magistrate and fined $6.50 for getting drunk. He smiled blandly, and, drawing out a dollar bill, said, " All right, Mister Magistrate. I suppose you remember when I sold out my saloon in Pekin I had §5.50 on the slate against you. With this dollar that will exactly pay my fine. You must excuse me, 'Squire, for this little spree of mine ;but I didn't see any other way of collecting my bill against you than this."

Grasshoppers chew tobacco in Connecticut.

Ministers appear to -be coming to, the front. The Rev. Mr. Beecher has been nominated for President of the United States, and Rev. Dr Evarts is talked of for Mayor of Chicago.

A Janesville mau, whose wedding day had arrived did not appear at the appointed time and place, but sent a no'.e to the clerg\ m in, saving that he had just received a note from his wife in the East, and thereby had his mind recalled to the fact that he was m? rried several years before, a circumstance which had entirely escaped his memory.

A western gambler is said to have sharpened his sense of touch by sandpapering the points of his fingers to such an extent that he can discern any card in the pack with his eyes blindfolded.

News by the mail states that Hawi kins, a leading Mormon, has been convicted of adultery at Utah, and sentenced to three years' imprisonment, and 500 dollars fine. The judge held that only the Mormon's first wife can institute proceedings against the husband. Warrants had been issued against Brigham' Young and several Mormon officials for wilful murder. One of the avenging angels, employed by them to assassinate Gentiles, has turned informer.

He who enters the thorny patli of politics, in America may expect to become the object of misrepresentation ,and calumny. An example of this is afforded in the case of Mr. J. Park Alexander, the republican candidate for Representative to the Legislature in Akron, Ohio. Mr. Alexander has- evidently been cruelly slandered, as may be inferred from the fact that the Akron "Beacon," which supports his claims for election, finds ife necessary to come out and make the liberal offer of $1,000 to any one who will prove that its can didate has ever been guilty of malfeasance as an officer of the city ; or that he ever bought whiskey for delegates to a nominating convention ; or ever stole, or helped to steal, an eaves trough ; or ever, stole a sheep, or ever voted the democratic ticket since the candidacy of Stephen A.. Douglas — all of which offences, with many others, it appears, have been charged upon him by his opponents.

i A certain, eminent temperance lecturerwwars r setting forth the most awful portraiture of Old King Alcohol, when a! muzzy-looking brother arose in a cornet* of , the hall and observed : ■ ■ I." I like, 't' ash the genTm'n a -qjueshln '■ . -• ; •■ • - { " Certainly, my friend/ said the urj bane speaker; " by all' means." ,

, "I wish t'inquire of the genTm'n 'f he's ever been tight " "Thank G-bd, noj" was t!ie fervent response... " This brain Has never been muddled:.with the accurseti thing." One©' more the muzzy jrme spoke; , " Then don't the 'genTm'n seem to use .gr,eat fmiliarity- an entire stranger, s 1 long's he hain't been Introdooced ?• "

The speaker had to struggle for some moments before he could circumvent the unseemly interruption, and got' back- to the thread of his discourse. see he did not know whereof he affirmed.