A SENSATIONAL DRAMA IN FOUR ACKS.

Tuapeka Times, Volume III, Issue 202, 14 December 1871, Page 7

A SENSATIONAL DRAMA IN FOUR ACKS.

By Josh Billings.

Ack fust. — Enter a lap dorg, carrying a boavding skool miss in his arms, about 1G bands high— it makes the dorg puff — the dorg lays down the boarding skool miss, and orders mint juleps for 2, with the usual snekshun. The dorg begins to 1011, the boarding skool miss tells him "tew dri up" (in French.), aud the dorg spz" "he tw darned if ha will " (in doi\r). [Grata sensrtslmn among the awjence, with cries, " Put him out."] Finally a compromize iz affected, the boarding skool miss kisses the dorg, with tears Xji his eyes. Conklusicm — Lnp dorg rliskovevs a wicked flea at work on his tale — pursues him — round and round tha go — dorg a lsetle ahead—sumbody hollars out *' mad dorg!" — boarding skool girl faints standing- — the curtain drops. Ack number 2. — Cui'tin highsts — sevril Mind men in the distance, looking thru a key whole — one of them sez, ■" he don't s^e it !" A shanohi rnsetor cums out, with epaulets on, and crows Yankee Doodle — musik bi the band. The shanohi 1.-sys an egg on the stage, about the size of a wasp's nest, and then limps oph, very mnch tired and reduced. Cui'tin falls agin. Ack number 3. — Curtin rises sloly — big bolona sarsage on a tnbel — bol01m sarsage lifts up her head, and begins tew bark — band plays " Old Dorg Tray." Cat cums in — cat's tail begins tew swell bad — bolona sarsage and cat haz a 6te — tha fite 14 rounds — the stage is covered with cats and dorgs . Konklusion — tha awl jine hands and walk to the four-lights — an old bull terrier reads the President's call for "300,000 more"— band plays " G-o to Lemons ?" — a bell rings, and the curtin drops. Ack number 4.-c-A scene on the Eri kandl —a tombel storm rages — the kanall acks bad — seyral line botes go- down bed fust, with awl their hoarders on board — - kant make a lee shore — tha drag their ankers — sum ov the kaptains tri tew pra, but most; ov them hey the best hick at swnreing — the water is strewed with pots and kittles — sevral of the cook maids swirii ashore, with their cook stoves in their teeth — tha hey to dra oph the kanall to stop the storm. Konklusion — men are seen along the banks ov the kanall speering ded horses and eels — bund plays "A Life on the Oshun Wavp." Amid tremendous applan2e the enrtin falls, and the awjence disperce, single file.