F A C E T I Æ.

Tuapeka Times, Volume III, Issue 168, 27 April 1871, Page 7

F A C E T I Æ.

A boyinDetroit disregard edhia mother's injunction not to skate on the river, when the ice was thin — His mother, donjt have to cook for so many as she formerly did. Few. men would try to dry dampened gunpo,w&er in a kitchen stove. — A man in Canada did— Jiis afflicted family would be glad ol any information a3 to his whereabouts. "Why do you drive^ such a pitifullooking carcase as that 1 Why don't you put a heavier coat of flesh upon him ? " c ' A heavier coat of flesh ! By the powers, the poor creature can hardly carry what little there is on him now." A Scotchman, who hired himself to a farmer, had a cheese set down before him that he might help himself. The master had occasion to remak some time afterwards,' 4< Sandy, you take a long time to breakfast." ct In truth, master," said he, "a cheese 0' this size ia nae sac soon eaten as ye may think." v Why don't you wear your ring, my dear ? " said a father in a ball-room,, to his daughter. "Because, papa, it' hurts me when anyone squeezes my hand-."* " What business have you to have your hand squeezed?" *' Certainly none; "but still, you know, papa, one would like to keep it in squeezable order." A man with four wives was brought before Hans Swarihart, a Mohawk Justice, ' for commitment on a charge of bigamy. " Four wives.! " exclaimed the astonished Hans, " four wives! Dat was a most hiiiocious crime. Discharch him .at vonst." if Why?'-' protested the prp-'N-secutor ; " why discharge him when the proof is positive 1 Will the court explain ?" /'Yes, I eckshplaina. If he mlts four wives he got punishment I lif mit von, and I got too already."