THE SPECIAL TELEGRAM HUMBUG.

Tuapeka Times, Volume III, Issue 164, 30 March 1871, Page 7

THE SPECIAL TELEGRAM HUMBUG.

" Punchinello " gives the following account of the battle of Sedan, which it has received by cable from " its special correspondent." The account is quite as trustworthy as some others which have been foisted upon the public:

It was a still, calm night, the glorious moon was sailing through the sky; the river was running water; the clouds were cloudy; the soldiers were_soldiering. I stepped out of my tent and stumbled o\er Von Moltke. He took my arm and invited me to the tent of the Crown Prince. '• Molty," said I, "what's your little game?"

"Penny ante," replied he.

"Tres bien," added I.

"You are a French spy. Ha! ha!" said he, grasping my collar. * - Ho! ho!" "Dat ish gcot," added I. "Then you're Dutch," said he, dropping me like a pair of tongs.

In the tent avc found the King, the Crown Prince, General Stcinmetz. Greneral Sheriden, and Grenral Forsyth. " Motly," said I)JP"I )JP " introduce me to

the King."

" Bill," said he, " this is Jenkins."

Bill held out his loot and I took a suck at his great toe.

Then we went at the game. Bill is pretty good at it, but then he does'nt stand any chance beside Molty. The Crown Prince lost at least fourteen cents, and, just as he had a spl ended opportunity to retrieve his losses, in came an aide, who announced that the French had squatted. " Where?" cried Von Moltke.

"At Sedan," replied the aide. .

" I knew it," said Molty. " Bill, I told you they had no horses for a regular carriage."

The moon shone; the mountains were mountainous ; the trees were treey ; and the soft September breeze was breezy. Bismarck came up and asked the King to let him cut behind.

" Bis," said I, <: take my seat ; I'll take a tnp to the French camp."

So I tripped over to the French camp, and found things somewhat mixed. The moon shone. Steadily tho Prussian troops advanced; and with a heroism worthy of a better cause, the French retreated. The Emperor wanted to die in the rear of his men.

'" Nap," said T, " 3'ou'd better get up and get, the Prussians are coming."

'' Why did'nt you have more cheesepots r" said I.

'" I'll surrend'T," snid he, " get out a white Hug." So I took one of Eugene's old pocket-handkeivhiefr which I found in the tent, stuck it on the end of the sabre of the repiuw of his uncle, put Nap in the carriage, jumped in myself, and drove to the Prussian camp. The moon shone ; all nature smiled ; the rivers were rivery ; the Sedans were chairy.

'' Nap," said Bill, "is the game up ?"'

'•Bill," said Nap, "you've scored the game. I leave my old clothes to the Reaent. I hope she'll like the breeches."

Then he us treated to cigarettes, and we all went to on>* game of penny ante. Nap would'nt join us. lie said he'd just been playing a game with crowns ante and he was busted. We'd "hardly got the cards dealt, when Bill spoke to Bis and asked, l< I say, Bis, won't you run over and telegraph to the old woman something about our Fritz ?" " Let Jenkins go," said Bis.

Of course I assented to the proposition.

''Where the devil is Fritz?" said Bill.

" Oh, he's been sleeping for the last two hours," said Molt ke.

"Nevermind," said Bill, " telegraph a victory by Fritz."

So I telegraphed : " A great victory has been won by Fritz. What great things have we done for ourselves! We'll keep it up, old woman. (Signed) Bill."

"When I reached mv tent everybody was asleep. Nap was reclining gracefully on the breast of Bismarck, as affectionately as if they were brothers-in-law. Tho moon suonc j the sky was skyey ; the hills were hilly ; aud all nature was getting up." Anybody who says the above did not come over the cable lies; wickedly, maliciously lies, with intent to .deceive. As soon as Jack Smith's smack sails, I'll send you a piece of the cable it came over.

It seems that the late report of the safe arrival ot Dr. Livingstone at Mozambique was bi-ought to Cape Town by a Mr. Walker, from the Transvaal. Mr. Walker reported that on leaving Lyndenberg he learned from Mr. &. P. Moodie, who had just returned from Delagoa Bay, that Dr. Livingstone was said to be at the Mozambique, waiting the arrival of a homeward-bound vessel.

All the troops before Paris have been fully reinforced to the utmost war strength, and newly uniformed.

Should peace be proclaimed, all the Landvvehr regiments of infantry and reserve cavalry will be immediately sent home aud broken up. The troops of the line will remain in the annexed provinces and such parts of France as will be retained till the war indemnity is paid. The garrisons of the fortresses in Alsace and Lorraine will require about 60,000 men.