FACETI/E.

Tuapeka Times, Volume III, Issue 160, 2 March 1871, Page 7

FACETIÆ.

The young ladiea of Rondout, New York, are said, to be organising " a Society for the Encouragement of Young Men desiring to Marry !"

hoarding-house chicken soup can be made, it is said, by hanging up a hen in the sun so that her shadow shall fall into a pot of salt and water The only troitble is that on a cloudy day the soup is liable to be weak.

The following candid avowal appears in a Dublin paper .among "situations wanted:" — "Ploughman and caretaker, and understands farming and the care of sheep and cattle ; is married and has no incuinbivmee buc 1113 wife."

The French people have just now a consuming idea about " huckstering," for the only explanation they can give regarding the disasters of Sedan, Strasbourg, and Metz, is that they were, "sold, and sold, and — sold again."

A parson read as follows :—": — " Moses was an austere man, and made atonement for the sins of the people. Tbe clerk, misunderstanding him, spoke thus . — " Moses was an oyster-man, and made ointment for the shins of his people."

An abbs', who iva3 very large and fat, coming late in the evening to a city, and meeting with a countryman, asked him if he could get in at the gate. " I believe so," said the peasant, looking at him jocosely, " for I saw a waggon of hay go in there this morning."

Sydney Smith had a brother distinguished for his talents, but exceedingly sedate ; having no element of wit or humour in his composition. Sydney said that "he and his brother contradicted the law of gravitation, for his brother had risen by his gravity, and ho had sunk by Ids levity."

" Good morning, Sambo, bery hot weather, Sambo. They do say, that it is so hot down east, that they is obliged to take off the tops of the houses to leb in the air." " Well, Cuffy, it can't get no hotter in our house, any how, 'cause the thermometer's got bang up to the top ; that's one comfort, Cuffy."

An American paper gives the following recipe for going mad : — Be an editor ; let the printer's devil be waiting for copy ; sit down to write an artieie, and get a few sentences done ; then let an acquaintance drop in, and begin to tell you gossips and stories of the town ; and lot him sit, and sit, and sit. Very speedily you will go ravine mad. jKen, if they ain't too lazy, live sumjßs till they are 80, and destroy the wKm a good deal aa follow : — The fust 30 they spend throwing stum at a mark, the second 30 they spend in examing the mark tew see whare the stuns kit, and the remainder iz divided in cussing the sfun throwing bnzziness, and nuesing the ruKiatizz,— Josh Billings,